Thank you Everyone

thanks @NikNik

i editied the post for you so iit follows the guidelines now

@Former-Member, Your nan will alway be in your heart. It is ok to cry, it is a release of emotions. i lost mine 16 year ago and to this day I miss her emensely.

A vision of her came to me a couple of weeks ago in a meditation class. After the class I walked outside and cryed the 100mt walk to the car and cried all the way home.

It is all good, you miss her and love her and you are releasing that through crying.

Morning my little caterpillar... @Former-Member

thank you @Heart

@Zoe7 its afternoon now but Morning my beautiful Guardian butterfly

i dont think i can do it today 😞

Hi my little caterpillar friend @Former-Member

All you need to do today is get through the day. It is an incredibly tough day the anniversary of any loved one - especially one that you were so close to. I am going to tell you something that no-one else knows here - it is nearly 20years ago that my grandfather died - infact it will be the same date (17th) next month.

This was one of the most memorable days in my life - one where I have always been able to remember nearly every single detail of that day - why - because I found him, tried to revive him and then had to tell each person if my family that he had passed away afterwards - on my own. One person even said that they were glad that I was the one that found him because I had the most strength in the family to deal with it - wrong - no-one can deal with that - and I have had to live with that ever since also.

I hope that hasn't made you feel amy worse - I just wanted you to know I get how hard today is for you and that you will get through this day but it does not mean it won't hurt while you are in the middle of it. I am here for you @Former-Member and sitting right on your shoulder also.

Love and huge hugs to you

Zoe

i know @Zoe7 i can feel you here with me.

im sorry you went through that 😞

my experience was similar but not the same

Today isnt the day she actually passed, this is the day when she went into the hospital. it was about midnight and i coudnt sleep something wasnt sitting right with me as as i was staying with my nan and pop all i heard was my pop crying. i knew instantly there was something wrong. i quickly got up, pops sitting on the bed balling his eyes out and my nan was in the wheelchair (we use to have to wheel her into the bathroom) in th bathroom but all flopped over to the point he head was nearly at her feet. i had to hold my nan upright, while calling an ambulance and making sure my pop was ok and then call my mum up to come over and give me a hand. i had to hold my nan up and wheel her backward and into the lounge room so the paramedics could actuallty get to her and still while holding her up im trying my best to keep calm and keep pop calm and ok. . i hope no one has to endure it.

then a memory also came up on my phone from the year before of our last xmas together when she was well enough.

and now i have the memory of the last time i saw her. the way she looked at me and waved goodbye when i was leaving the hospital room. i knew it was time.

i dont think ive stopped crying today and im still crying now, all while still trying to tell you my story

i think ive jsut completely fallen apart @Zoe7 i wish you were here with me

I am there with you @Former-Member - touch your shoulder - that is me - I am so small that you will only feel my presence but I am with you. Cry as much as you need - you are feeling the loss of someone you loved and crying is your way of recognising that love you shared.