CPTSD re-triggered by physical health event & subsequent physical disability & looking for support

@TheMooge hi TheMooge about 3 years ago now i was diagnosed with uti, sepsis, pnuemonia and cellulitis. i also have atrial fibillation of the heart. i cannot remember much. i dont want to tbh. i am now getting my health back losing weight slowly but surely. i too used to be super fit but it began to be an obsession which is not healthy. it was my way to control my spirilling life. i'm here if you need to vent. bunx

Hi @TheMooge

Thank you for sharing your story with such raw honesty. It is incredibly clear that you are a person of immense strength - someone who has built businesses, raised a family, and managed complex neurodivergence and trauma with discipline and grit. To have your "engine" (your physical health) suddenly stall when you were at your peak is not just a medical event; it is a profound loss of identity.

Moving from being the high-intensity, "do-it-all" person to feeling like a "dependent" is a form of grief in itself. It makes so much sense that you feel frustrated. You haven't just lost your mobility; you've lost your primary tool for regulating your ADHD and CPTSD. When exercise is your medicine, being sidelined feels like being stripped of your armour.

The panic attack with your daughter and the tears during intimacy are signals from a nervous system that currently feels unsafe in its own skin. When our bodies fail us, our old traumas often "speak up" because the sense of control has been taken away. Please be gentle with yourself, your brain is currently working overtime to process medical mystery and physical limitation; it has very little "buffer" left for high-stress tasks like teaching driving.

I want to say that it is impressive that you took such decisive action with streaming services to reset the household expectations. While you hate feeling dependent, you are actually teaching your family a vital lesson of reciprocity and resilience. Their "slow start" in supporting you is likely a reflection of how effectively you've carried them in the past - they are learning a new rhythm just as you are.

As for the NDIS and medical "wait and see" periods (or, as I call it, Limbo), these are notoriously cold and bureaucratic. It is exhausting to be told to wait for a 6-week mark when you are living through the intensity of the "now." Hold onto that "enthusiastic rehab" spirit, but allow yourself space to be "bloody tired" too. You don't have to be a "warrior" every hour of the day. This is all being said by someone who is multiply disabled and neurodivergent (including CPTSD), who is a carer for my disabled and neurodivergent partner, and has helped them get onto DSP (still trying to get them onto NDIS though).

You are not alone in this in this journey 💚

@MatchaToad, wow, thank you! Your kind, validating words brought me to tears.

Yes, it does feel like loss of identity, thank you for those words!

Tha k you for extending empathy to my family too, as 'slow start' is a great way to describe how their actions were. They, rightly, have an adjustment period too of their partner and mother being different to the one they've known and relied on. I have tried to empathise with them and that is difficult when we are all going through this together.

I hear you that this is a marathon, not a sprint. I am hoping that I do not need further services and am doing everything, including the resting, I can to recover.

Thanks again!