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Topic Tuesday: How do you talk to your children about your mental illness - Featuring author Michelle Vasiliu CLOSED

NikNikSenior Contributor13 Feb 2015, 9:38 pm AEDT

Topic Tuesday: How do you talk to your children about your mental illness - Featuring author Michelle Vasiliu CLOSED

Hi all,

We are very lucky to have author Michelle Vasiliu join us as our special guest for this Topic Tuesday. Here is a bit of Michelle's story:

I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital in 2007. At the time, my children were three and six. I was keen to ease their fears about what was happening to our family as a result of my illness so I searched for a picture book that would help me explain my illness to them. To my dismay, I found nothing that would meet my needs.

Eight years down the track, there is still a very large gap in the market for children's books about mental illness, in particular, books suitable for preschoolers and early primary school children.

This is in spite of the fact, that approximately one in five Australian children have a parent with a mental illness. Many parents struggle to find the right words when talking to their children about their illness. Some may even shy away from the topic altogether.

I wrote My Happy Sad Mummy for the parents and care givers of children whose parent, uncle, aunt, brother etc has a mental illness, who may need some kind of frame work to help explain their illness to the children in concern. In other words, it is a tool parents and/or care givers can use to begin an on-going dialogue with children about why these people in their lives sometimes behave in strange or distressing ways.

Having conversations about our mental health with children can be really challenging and can cause us even more anxiety! You are invited this Tuesday to share your experiences of what has worked for you & maybe what hasn't worked so well.

Hope to see you here 🙂

38 replies

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In response to: Topic Tuesday: How do you talk to your children about your mental illness - Featuring author Michelle Vasiliu **CLOSED**

CherryBombSenior Contributor17 Feb 2015, 8:49 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday now open: How do you talk to your children about your mental illness - Featuring author Michelle Vasiliu

Kristin that's a great point about providing your children with other adults that they can speak to.

We've got another 10 minutes before we finish up. So if there any last questions that you'd like to ask now is the time.

In response to: Topic Tuesday: How do you talk to your children about your mental illness - Featuring author Michelle Vasiliu **CLOSED**

kristinSenior Contributor17 Feb 2015, 8:49 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday now open: How do you talk to your children about your mental illness - Featuring author Michelle Vasiliu

Hi Michelle,

Thanks, he's not my husband (nor was he) he hasn't been my partner for over 3 years. but he did live with us on and off over that time because he kept ending up on the streets. He's not a bad person, there is much good in him. He loves our little girl, and until the other week I never thought he'd do anything to hurt her - especially not when stone cold sober.

I think the big take home lesson for me, besides that I need to put my compassion for her before my compassion for him, is that actively seeking and getting the support you need to work on your mental health is absolutely vital - otherwise you are in danger of simply acting out which is not good for anyone.

In response to: Topic Tuesday: How do you talk to your children about your mental illness - Featuring author Michelle Vasiliu **CLOSED**

HappySadMummyContributor17 Feb 2015, 8:54 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday now open: How do you talk to your children about your mental illness - Featuring author Michelle Vasiliu

I think you need to find another GP. I was able to get a mental health plan for my daughter when she saw a private psychologist. For your son, have you had a chance to speak to a school counsellor? Organisations like COPMI and FaPMI may also be good starting points about what you can do to get extra emotional support for your children. Don't give up. It is out there. You just need a little more help to find it.

In response to: Topic Tuesday: How do you talk to your children about your mental illness - Featuring author Michelle Vasiliu **CLOSED**

TatsindaSenior Contributor17 Feb 2015, 8:56 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday now open: How do you talk to your children about your mental illness - Featuring author Michelle Vasiliu

Kristin that sounds really upsetting. Well done for doing all that you have. It is so disappointing when the ill spouse doesn't self regulate and takes it out on the kids. I recently moved from stating boundaries to adding in consequences, which has helped - eg 'if you get aggressive I will step in' , 'its not ok to call our kids rude names so i will ask you to take a break if that is happening'. and pointing out that if he is cranky no-one will want to be around him! And indeed we do avoid him at those times which is no fun for anyone but a natural consequence.
I do like the idea of asking him to basically avoid the kids if he knows its a bad day, easier said than done if we are all at home but I have been thinking I should try to work towards an agreement where he steps back and I step up, but that I then get a break when he is feeling better.

In response to: Topic Tuesday: How do you talk to your children about your mental illness - Featuring author Michelle Vasiliu **CLOSED**

kristinSenior Contributor17 Feb 2015, 8:56 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday now open: How do you talk to your children about your mental illness - Featuring author Michelle Vasiliu

Hey @sara

Well done for getting out of that. A very courageous thing to do.

A suggestion - ask the MCHN if the trauma therapist will see the 10yo too, or can she suggest someone else. It has taken me 5 years to find help for my 6yo, in the aftermath of the 2009 fires, and she has experienced and witnessed a lot of emotional abuse since.

The regression and other stuff with your kids can be very confronting. Know this - you see it because you are open to seeing, and they trust you enough to show you. This is an important place to begin from.

You may want to check out Theraplay (via Google) - I've found it very helpful for rebuilding trust with my little girl and there are some trained practiontioners in Victoria (it originates in Chicago, US). You can read about it on the US website.

Best of luck, it can be a long road finding the help your kids need. Hope for ehlpful help does endure...

Kind regards,

Kristin

In response to: Topic Tuesday: How do you talk to your children about your mental illness - Featuring author Michelle Vasiliu **CLOSED**

TatsindaSenior Contributor17 Feb 2015, 8:58 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday now open: How do you talk to your children about your mental illness - Featuring author Michelle Vasiliu

Sara I agree that you should try a different gp. Or just ring local child psychologists and ask them what funding options there are for treatment. Best of luck, I hope you can find the assistance you need.

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday now open: How do you talk to your children about your mental illness - Featuring author Michelle Vasiliu

HappySadMummyContributor17 Feb 2015, 8:59 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday now open: How do you talk to your children about your mental illness - Featuring author Michelle Vasiliu

Forgot to add, ask your maternal health nurse to explain what she means by a trauma therapist. Keep asking the questions until you get answers and the help you so desperately need.

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday now open: How do you talk to your children about your mental illness - Featuring author Michelle Vasiliu

CherryBombSenior Contributor17 Feb 2015, 9:08 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday now open: How do you talk to your children about your mental illness - Featuring author Michelle Vasiliu

Here's the links for COPMI and FaPMI. These services provide support to children who have have parents with MI and may be able to provide you with referrals to other specialists.

@sara, it's great that you're being proactive and looking for ways to get your children support. As @HappySadMummy mentioned going to another GP may be able to help to get you a referral to a private psychologist.

This concludes Topic Tuesday for tonight. A big thank you to Michelle for her time tonight on the Forums. It certainly was an informative and insightful discussion about ways we can communicate with childen the impact of MI.

If you are interested in Michelle's book, it is availble here. It's a great resource for parents to explain and open up discussions about MI with their children.

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