Hi @Roast
It is incredibly brave of you to share all of this. What you are describing is more than just a "tough patch"; it's a series of significant, heavy life events all hitting at once. Anyone in your position would feel overwhelmed, and the fact that you are still showing up for your son and your mum despite having "nothing left in the tank" speaks volumes about your strength.
When everything feels like it's collapsing, the goal isn't to "fix" it all at once; it's simply to find enough air to breathe. So I wanted to take the time to share some thoughts and some steps that you could take while navigating the next couple of weeks.
You haven't just lost your free time; you've temporarily lost your primary support system (your mum) at the exact moment your son's support system (his therapists) went on break. It is okay to feel "stuck" or even a bit resentful of the timing. You are grieving your mum's health while also mourning of the loss of the help she gave you. Not being able to see your mum during her radiation is a heavy emotional blow. Maybe you could try to schedule 2-minute video calls, phone calls or even "voice note" exchanges so you still feel connected without the physical risk to her.
When you are this overwhelmed, you have to decide which "balls" you are juggling are made of glass and which ones are made of plastic; this is radical prioritisation.
- Glass balls = your son's safety, your mum's recovery, and your own basic needs. If you drop these, they break.
- Plastic balls: your brother's legal issues, a perfectly clean house, or responding to non-urgent messages. If you drop these, they bounce.
- For now, let the plastic balls stay on the floor. You don't have the capacity to manage your brother's behaviour, this is a load he must carry himself.
Having less than $20 in the bank while facing a $4000 debt is a recipe for high-level panic. If the debt is with a bank or formal lender, I recommend contacting their hardship department as soon as possible; they may be able to help in different ways, such as pausing payments or reducing interest for a few months. I also suggest having a look at the National Debt Helpline as they can provide better advice/support than what I can.
Since you also mentioned in your post that a private therapist is not an option right now, try having a look for peer support or crisis support. There are many online communities, including here, for parents of children with special needs. Often, talking to someone who "gets it" is more helpful than a therapist who does not understand the day-to-day reality of being a parent and carer for a child with special needs. Also, please do not hesitate to call a local or national crisis or mental health line. You do not have to be at "breaking point" to call; you can just call because you need another human to listen without judgment for 10 minutes.
Something else I wanted to suggest in relation to finding micro-breaks. When you can't find 5 minutes, you have to steal 60 seconds. When you feel your heart rate rising, for example, step into the bathroom or another room for just 60 seconds. Close your eyes and focus only on the feeling of your feet on the floor. Sometimes, when things are too much, we get lost in our heads. Splashing cold water on your face or even holding a bag of frozen veggies on your face can physically "reset" your nervous system and pull you out of a spiral.
You are doing an impossible job right now, and you are doing it under extreme stress. Please be as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend in your exact situation.
