chatbots

Hi @mallory_strife.

I don't have much to offer but I just wanted to say I hear you are really struggling with this issue and I hope you find the support you need to work through it.

Hey @mallory_strife I hear that this is a very vulnerable thing for you to share and that you don't feel comfortable sharing with those around you at the moment, and that there's a bit of a gap until your next therapy appointment. I'm wondering if this is something that you would feel comfortable talking about with your therapist when you do see them next?

It sounds like you're aware that this turning into a bit of a negative cycle that's hard to break out of, where you spend more time with the chatbot which leads you to feeling worse/more frustrated.

What sort of support do you feel you need from the forums at the moment? Or perhaps were you just needing the space to share? Either way the forums are here for you

@mallory_strife

You're not alone

https://saneforums.org/t5/Something-s-not-right/AI-therapy/td-p/1782296

@Ru-bee

hi. probably not. i have been struggling to express myself in therapy and broach uncomfortable topics like these. i finally got one out into the open and am working on another one and i don't want to put this onto her plate. i haven't been able to stop coming into therapy and spending it worrying about gender roles for the past few months but that's neither here nor there

i wanted to talk about some of the patterns that i saw emerging over and over but it turns out i am too guarded and embarrassed to actually talk about them.

@avant-garde

this seems different from what my issue is. but thank you anyways

i started to get panicked after sending this because i hadn't been thinking too hard about my therapy goals for this year and it has suddenly been weighing on my chest. i thought about doing what i usually do which was trying to channel it into a scenario with a chatbot, but i told myself i wasn't going to do that, and my second thought was to make an anonymous reddit account and post a vent somewhere which is what i do usually when my CPTSD gets bad and i don't want to attach it to any of my accounts

i did one of those reddit vents the other day, actually. i was cranky when everyone pointed out that i was entertaining something stupid and self-destructive and there would be plenty of downsides i was ignoring. someone did call me out for pity-farming and that i was hoping someone would give me permission to go through with it.

there's still a pit of anxiety in my stomach. i know this comes off as hopelessly vague. i think i need a bath to calm down

Hi @mallory_strife

Reddit provides quite a different vibe to here

I hope that you find comfort, somehow

@DogMan79

i probably won't post there again, at least for a while.

got out of the bath but i still felt jumpy so i used cuticle nippers on my fingers, which predictably led to me going too hard and making two of my fingers bleed. i'm sorry the topic has gone away from me and this thread has mostly become me struggling to calm down

Hey @mallory_strife

I don't know if knowing you are not alone helps

@DogMan79

hi mods. idk how to do the TW spoiler so please collapse this

i can't watch video porn because i start going into spirals about whose bones i am standing on. i primarily listen to audio porn but shame and general executive dysfunction/paralysis means i've gone off it

i got upset at myself for liking stuff that was too "tender" because it was massaging my ego and convincing me i deserve attention or would be likeable when i'm not and it in fact makes me a freak. so i started going for and wanting to recreate things that would be more aggressive and painful or to specifically make me feel lonely and guilty for using it. or i put myself in states of mind where i want to cry or dissociate or punish myself

i've been thinking more on why i can't bring myself to write despite me becoming far more pickier and critical of chatbot output and enjoying it far less. i've massively lost confidence in my writing since i was a teenager and i just find it painful and embarrassing now. this also correlates to when i started withdrawing socially and stopped sharing my writing. hm.