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I just want to be yelled at

mallory_strifeSenior Contributor09 Jan 2026, 7:15 pm AEDT

I just want to be yelled at

I regularly get into these CPTSD spirals when i want to be yelled at and ripped apart and told about how much of a terrible and worthless person I am

I've tried asking my therapist to yell at me and she thought I was joking and told me sternly "okay then, you have to keep a routine! you have to fix your sleep schedule!" but it wasn't what i meant. i needed her to yell at me and call me names and berate me and it would've made me explode with endorphins.

I seriously don't know how to deal with it when it just gets stronger each time to the point that sometimes I've had impulses of self-harm to give myself something close to the punishment and endorphin rush. (I know I won't go through with it.) I'm alone and don't have anyone to talk to because they're all on holidays or they won't give me what I want and I'm frustrated to tears I need someone to tell me off

17 replies

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In response to: I just want to be yelled at

GalaxyOwlSenior Contributor13 Jan 2026, 2:08 pm AEDT

Re: I just want to be yelled at

I relate to this so much.

I have quite severe shame spirals and it means that any time I have a disagreement with someone I care about, my go to response is to self-flagellate, that I'm a bad person and I deserve to be punished otherwise why would I be feeling like this, why would I be in trouble?

I've told people multiple during/after arguments or disagreements that it would be so much easier for me if they were actually angry with me and abusing me.

I think it's hard for people without those experiences to actually understand. Our bodies respond to stress in a specific way, and it's not a weakness.

In response to: I just want to be yelled at

mallory_strifeSenior Contributor13 Jan 2026, 6:52 pm AEDT

Re: I just want to be yelled at

@Avacado_1

the problem is that i cannot spit it out and i am just only beginning to talk about my abuse to my therapist and it is hard but talking to her about habits is much easier. i feel pathetic and ashamed when i try to broach my trauma and i can't stop masking

In response to: Re: I just want to be yelled at

Avacado_1Casual Contributor13 Jan 2026, 8:46 pm AEDT

Re: I just want to be yelled at

@mallory_strife

Its ok. It takes time to build rapport and trust to open up. Sometimes you need to find the right therapist too. Hopefully your current one is the right fit for the long-term.

In regard to talking about habits easily; of course it is. Because they're not the real problem and issue that needs to be dealt with.

Your feelings of shame towards your trauma are valid. I have many questions regarding it, but I want to respect your privacy. You're welcome to DM me if you're comfortable, or when you feel more ready to open up.

In response to: Re: I just want to be yelled at

mallory_strifeSenior Contributor13 Jan 2026, 8:51 pm AEDT

Re: I just want to be yelled at

@Avacado_1wait, what, we can DM on this forum?

In response to: Re: I just want to be yelled at

Avacado_1Casual Contributor13 Jan 2026, 8:53 pm AEDT

Re: I just want to be yelled at

Dont know, can we? lol im a new member

In response to: Re: I just want to be yelled at

JynxModerator13 Jan 2026, 9:00 pm AEDT

Re: I just want to be yelled at

Hey @Avacado_1 and @mallory_strife welcome to the forums!

Alas, due to the nature of the forums and how they're moderated, there's no DM or personal message function. Some people will create their own threads to keep as a sort of 'safe space' to call home, so you're welcome to do so - or just keep chatting here 🙂

In response to: Re: I just want to be yelled at

Avacado_1Casual Contributor13 Jan 2026, 9:08 pm AEDT

Re: I just want to be yelled at

Ah, I see. Thanks for confirming @Jynx

@mallory_strife Whenever you're ready, please tell us more about your traumas. By starting here, it may make it easier for you to discuss them with your therapist too.

Have a think about it and let us know. Until then, please take care. Do reach out to someone if need be. We're all here for you.

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