I just want to be yelled at

Hello @mallory_strife and welcome to the forums. I read your post a little while ago and I've been thinking about other (safer and kinder) ways you could get the endorphin fix. Have you ever tried to listen to some music loudly, maybe even heavy metal music? Or what about an action movie that's got lots of noise happening?

Not sure if it's helpful at all but it was just something that popped into my mind and I thought I would share.

It was really brave of you to come and share what you're going through and I'm proud of you for reaching out. Know that you're not alone here, we are here to support you however we can ❤️.

This is incredibly relatable, this was a really big thing at the beginning of my first healthy relationship. I would fall deep down into a shame spiral (usually caused by having emotions that I felt unsafe to feel due to past traumas) and would end up begging my partner to yell at me or even hit me. This went on for quite a while but the longer I was loved regardless of my wounds, the less I felt I deserved these awful things. Someone obviously taught you that this is the natural consequence of your existence but I can assure you it is not. You do not deserve to be yelled at but I completely understand the desire, it feels like a deep relief like you've been punished so you can finally stop punishing yourself.

I agree with the other comment suggesting heavy metal music, it has worked for me before. It kinda matches my energy and feels comforting like I'm not insane.

Hi @alittlelost just a quick tip - you can notify other members to ensure they can see you've responded by tagging them. Using the @ symbol, you can choose their name from the dropdown, or type their username until it appears, then select it so their username appears in blue.

@mallory_strife I believe the above post is for you.

Hi @mallory_strife

Just reading your post and I can relate. I just didn’t realise it.

I really hear what you are saying. I think.

Right now I feel like I deserve to be screamed at and told those things. It’s like it would bring me some comfort. Listening to the person that always treated me that way. Saying the things that I know are true.

Getting yelled at is a good way to get attention from others, especially your parents and I found myself taking the drastic measure of quitting my Dream job just to be yelled at by both my parents and unfortunately, they did not yell at me at all, not even when I had cancelled Centrelink.

Are you trying get attention too from others by asking to be yelled at? Who in particular do you want attention from? And please do not Self-Harm - you will end up in hospital and although I LOVE visiting the hospital, you don't want to end up in the Emergency Department.

Also, could you yell at yourself if it makes the endorphins run for whatever reason?

You could look into BDSM and kink

I know a few people that it has worked really for

Your sex joke is quite inappropriate but nevertheless, it made me laugh a little @DogMan79 . I'm sure @mallory_strife is not a Masochist so BDSM unfortunately won't work.

@FearofUnknown

it needs to be from other people. i need someone else to confirm for me i'm worthless and go on about why i'm pathetic and i'm a punish and tell me everything wrong with me. which was why i asked my therapist to stop being so soft on me

@DogMan79

i get the BDSM/dominatrix joke a lot. disappointingly i am a stone top so i don't know how the degradation would work. i do feel like the only love i could get was by being used and being someone's pet though

@mallory_strife I only know of very basics, like how the acronym forms a few different sayings. Your situation sounds complicated. I just know people who it works for, so mentioned it

You are enough as you are and important. Dont let anyone tell you otherwise, even yourself.

All these feelings of frustration need to be dealt with properly. Unfortunately theres no quick fix and the journey will take time. Move at your own lace when youre ready.

Your therapist isnt doing their job well if all theyre suggesting is to fix your routine. Sleep schedule and routine is a part of the picture, but much more needs to be addressed.

Your feelings of frustration and self-image need to be discussed, in my humble opinion.

Please feel free to reach out if you wish, and if youre comfortable to.

All the best on your journey. It definitely isnt an easy one, but it gets better with time, and if you put the work in on dealing with your emotions.