How to navigate getting help

@Browbeating I can only say that these people cant be helped. I've had several encounters with narcissists and they were all after my resources. My ex partner was a covert narcissist and was trying to find ways to get my house and inheritance off me. I had to put my inheritance in a trust to protect myself financially and he way trying every way possible to research ways in which he could access my funds and take my house off me. In the end I was able to get rid of him. I suspect he is with another woman living in her property.

I lost contact with my brother 30 years ago, also a narcissist and he needed me to bail him out of bankruptcy. I thought he was on the verge of committing suicide so I did it to protect my brothers welfare. He rang me back a week later after I did that for him and as soon as i picked up the phone he started abusing me. I did not know anything about narcissists at the time but every encounter I've had with him since then has been abusive. I tried to support my brother but all I got was abuse and in the end he told me he was going to put me in a "home" so he could gain control of my property.

I dont think you stop caring but you have to protect yourself I recognise you love and care about your daughter but I want you to know you are at an age where you can be exploited financially as well as materially. These people will stop at nothing to use and abuse other people. They just view people as resources to be exploited. You have to think of your security, your living arrangements and your money and assets. Most of all you have to think of your wellbeing.

In the end its up to you to decide how you are going to approach this but based on what you have said you are only going to be subject to abuse. These people are not like you with caring thoughts and acts of kindness. They just view people as the next gullible person that comes along whom they can charm resources from. I'm sorry to say this but maybe I have planted a seed in your mind to think of yourself first and foremost to think of your personal welfare. Its not a selfish act or being uncaring - its about self respect

Hi @Browbeating , and welcome. 😊

I agree with @SmilingGecko 's sentiment that sometimes we can't help people, and we need to ensure to protect ourselves - whilst still caring about them. Although from my perspective it is because she does not want/accept help (rather than the nature of her mental health/illness challenges).

I don't know much about narcissism or BPD from any personal experience, only from a few people I know and anecdotes I have heard too. But your description also sounds like it could fit the behavioural patterns of Borderline Personality Disorder. I also am aware that one person I spoke to about BPD noted that most people with BPD (that they had worked with, i guess) had experienced trauma, and they suspected the "BPD behaviours" were actually trauma-based responses. 🤔. The reason I mention this is because how you might help/support/treat a narcissist and a BPD may be very different.

However, if she doesn't want or accept help - ultimately there is nothing you can do to help them, except perhaps make sure to not enable them (which could prevent them from realising they need to seek help, that there is a problem).

In this framing, I sort of wonder if I accidentally "enabled" my ex-husband in his depression by trying to accommodate too much for it whilst he would not recognise that there was a problem and that he was depressed and needed help. 🤔. Perhaps he would have sought help earlier if I had not taken on more responsibilities for things, and still required him to "do his part" unless he recognised he needed help / something was not "fine".

I am wonder if there is a way we can help support you in living with/around her and her behaviours/words?