CALLING ALL MUMS!! PLEASE HELP...?

Hi @Former-Member,

I understand your health concerns. Its also completely natural for people to feel curious about who their parents are. It seems odd that your mum has done a u-turn on helping you arrange to meet him, and it's a pity that she being uncommunicative about why this is. There is usually a reason for behaviour.

I can't tell you what to do, but what I can do is discuss the potential consequences of your decisions, to help you weigh up what you want to do.

So can you foresee might happen if you do contact your dad? Whom might this affect? Could any harm arise from this? Are there any other options?

Trying to think of other mum's here, and I'm not sure who has kids, so I'll just tag other people who are caring and motherly that come to mind @Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51 @Janna.

That sounds good @Former-Member. Please let us know how it goes.

Hi @Former-Member,

I can fully understand why you would be interested to know your medical history from a genetic perspective. I get the impression that your mother may be so dismissive and negative towards your request and health concerns because she is scared. She clearly finds the subject uncomfortable, which is why she is quick to shut down conversation and tell you to get over things. There is a lot of fear attached to ill health especially when it affects people nearest and dearest to you. Perhaps it triggers an enormous anxiety in her and her mind goes into a catastrophizing spin that entertains all sorts of horrible scenarios. Ill health is a reminder to all of us that life is very fragile and that our own mortality is an impermanent state. It is not uncommon for aging people to develop a very serious anxiety over their own health and demise. Some people actually even get a health phobia and panic when any health related issue gets too close for comfort. Perhaps your medical concerns are activating your mother's own medical concerns and the best way for her to deal with the anxiety attached to this is to live in ignorant blss in a "what you don't know can't hurt you" way. Your mother quite possibly is not intentionally attempting to block you, but rather is protecting her own vulnerabilities.

Perhaps a work-around this would be for you to give your mum reassurance that you are not imminently terminally ill and come at it from a perspective that can put her mind at ease such as talking about the future and how you want to be around for her etc or suggesting that preventative medicine can avert more serious manifestations, etc. Try not to use medical terms that she is unfamiliar with because many of these sound far worse than they actually are. Perhaps shifting your focus from averting ill-health to maintaining good health may yeild a more positive response. Just suggestions which may or may not work. I could also be way off with my theory, but I always believe that there are many deeper layers that sit behind external behaviour which are worthy of consideration.

All the best and let us know how you get on.

Janna

hi @Janna @Faith-and-Hope@CherryBomb

So i couldnt really take it from another angle so i just asked again. and said can you please ask him for me or can i have his contact number and ill ask him. she knows i dont want any contact with him but i said it again im not going to keep in contact with him or anyhting just want the medical history.

she did end up msging him and i got the answer i was after, although it was very brief i got what i needed so im quite happy with it.

Excellent outcome @Former-Member. Thanks for letting us know.

Janna

Awesome @Former-Member ... ❣

Excellent outcome @setmefree. Thanks for letting us know.my friend

Good news @Former-Member