Predicting the future

Hi @Former-Member,

I'm not sure that I'm the best person to help you develop your social skills given that I don't know what the heck most people are saying most of the time. When I said that your response was "very well considered," I meant that the length and depth of what you said suggested to me that you had put time and effort into considering your response - thus making it a very well considered response. As I think we've established on this thread, I am extremely literal in my use of language. I don't have any hidden meanings. I say what I mean and I mean what I say...and it completely does my head in that others don't do likewise. The idea that when someone says X they really mean Y, makes no sense to me whatsoever. If you mean Y, then say Y!!! So no, please don't worry that I've said something to you while really meaning something else. I can promise you that that is one thing you will never get from me!

I am glad you don't regret your studies. I very much regret mine. I know that academically I can excel at anything, so I really needed some guidance into what would be best for me to study in terms of it leading to a career. Instead, I just got a whole lot of fluff about studying what I was interested in and it would lead to a career I was interested in. Yeah...that didn't pan out so well for me!!!!

I definitely agree that the welfare system exacerbates mental health issues - hence why I so desperately want to be free from it. Obviously, without employment, I am dependent on it to be able to pay my mortgage. I hate it!!!!!

Anyway, thank you for another well considered reply (meaning you have taking the time to consider what you were saying and thus have produced a well considered reply).

Hi @Atalanta,

I don't have a Phd. I have an honours degree in psychology. Thanks for saying you can relate to what I said. I'm actually about to go and respond to one of your posts - cos I relate to what you have to say there too.

@Atalanta Quite possibly, if I can ever get my brain sorted out a bit. Perhaps you might like to take a look at my neurofeedback thread. This is my latest effort to heal my brain. I can tag you into the thread if you are interested?

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Hi again @Former-Member, I do have significant issues with social interaction. The thing that has helped me the most was figuring out that I had Asperger's syndrome. Getting that diagnosis really validated my sense of not understanding what the heck is going on in most interpersonal interactions. It didn't magically make me understand...but it made it feel much more ok that I didn't understand. I realise now that I am extremely literal and therefore I don't pick up on subtle messages or inferences. I don't know how to "read between the lines."

At 39 years old, I've now been burnt so badly, so many times, I have no desire to try the friend thing again. I really enjoy the social interaction of the forum, but I don't regard anyone here as my "friend." To me, the people here are casual online aquaintances. I get the sense that for a lot of people, the word "friend" has a much broader meaning than it does for me. It seems to me that people tend to use the word "friend" where I would use "aquaintance."

I think a thread about social skills and establishing friendships would make for very interesting reading. It would be interesting to see what others might have to say on the topic. It sounds like you very much want to make friends but are unsure how to, is that right? You mentioned that you can't pick up on signs of "indifference" and would prefer people to simply say "I don't like you, you are rejected." I think "indifference" means not having a strong feeling either way, whereas someone would have to really intensely dislike you to say "I don't like you, you are rejected." Does that make sense?

I'm wondering if what you perceive as "indifference" is perhaps the person not being as invested in the relationship as you are???? I've definitely been in that situation A LOT. Up until about 18 months ago, I did desperately want friends. I think in my situation, each time I did connect with someone, that relationship became super important because it was the only one I had. But the other person had many friends. This meant that the relationship wasn't as important to them as it was to me. I experienced this many times over many years. The friendships always ended up breaking down because the other person found me too intense. So...that's my experience. I don't know if that fits with your experience at all???

I am very grateful for the fact that I seem to have moved through the grief of not having friends. I am definitely much more ok with it now.

You asked what else I have in my schedule. I have a volunteering gig one day a week, and I am learning the violin, so I have a lesson each week. The Christmas period was tough because both these activities ceased during that time. As I mentioned somewhere in this thread (I think), I have been thinking about doing some tutoring in statistics. This plan has been on hold while I've been struggling so much, but when I'm feeling ok, I am playing around with designing a FB page and also refreshing my memory of the very early stats stuff from my degree. As weird as it probably sounds to some people, working through my stats textbook is something that I enjoy and find calming. So yeah, I am certainly never bored. The problem over the past few months has been that 95% of my time and energy has gone into regulating my giant emotions. If I can get on top of that, then I will have more time to devote to developing this tutoring idea.

So...do you think you'll go ahead with creating a thread regarding social skills and friendship? If you do, make sure you tag me into it so I can join you there. I don't feel like I have a lot to contribute because the world of social interaction is such a mystery to me, but I'd super love to hear what others have to say.