General chit chat

Hi @Faith-and-Hope, a great outcome with the GP, given the circumstances. So relieved for you and S2.

I'm on a flying visit to the forum in between activities today. I am feeling a bit insane to be honest with the amount of activity that's going on and my moods are moving like the waves on the beach here. I keep conscious breathing and remembering to 'still' myself to try to regain some balance. But been increasingly edgy and snappy around mum, which I feel bad about. There are deep troubled waters between us that I don't like to admit. But we are surviving it all, having good moments as well, and are loving each other deep down through it all.

Sending good wishes to everyone here.

Hello @Faith-and-Hope, I am so glad you are relieved 🙂 I do believe S2 will benifit from having the pressures lowed in their day to day life, and think it will lower the pressures in your own life as well - that safety net may catch your whole family When your child is unwell the best thing you can do is provide protection and support and you have succeeded in doing that beyond your own limits - sometimes the hardest thing to do is to ask for help. WH is extremely lucky to have you on their side, and I think you wouldn't try as hard as you do for them, if you weren't lucky to have them too 🙂

Sending good wishes and everything postive to you @Mazarita

Keep surviving so you can cherish those good moments and the love 🙂

Good morning, @Former-Member (and anyone else reading)

Around dawn here. Yesterday marked 14 years with my life companion. We went over for dinner to the nearby holiday unit my mum and friend are staying in while visiting from interstate. We ordered out for Thai food and drank champagne. Gifts were given and received (all of us got simple gifts, including the visitors). It's the first time I remember really celebrating our 'anniversary' in any significant way.

It was a happy occasion and a good night, even though stresses between Mum and I continued (along with her incessant loud chattering and grasping for all attention). It also marked the end of a really huge day by my standards, during which my moods went up and down like the ocean waves. But I'm usually much better in the evening than the daytime so last night was easier on my mind and emotions than earlier in the day, when I was really feeling quite insane from the intensity of things.

A new phase begins tomorrow, when the friend that came up with Mum continues on her way to visit other friends about three hours north. I will be moving into the rented holiday unit to stay with mum over the next few days to keep her company. The two of us on top of each other even more intensely is likely to be even more challenging. Have I mentioned before that Mum and I have had a fraught relationship over our entire lifetime? Big feelings of love between us. Big difficulties too, related to past traumas we have both experienced, at the hands of others, and in relation to each other.

What a crazy ride I'm finding things at the moment! Thanks for listening.

Good Morning @Mazarita and Happy Anniversary to you and your Life Companion (for yesterday) :)

Cherish this rollercoaster of emotions your on with your Mother, the good and the bad, for all rides must end. We have no guarantees of ever seeing another again. Don't put yourself down too badly for what you perceive as negative emotions towards your Mother, I know your doing your best. Your Mother knows that too. When my Mother was diagnosed with terminal cancers I went and cared for her. My Father did not cope, could not accept the diagnosis and never got past anger. I feel privileged to have been able to do that for her. My Father died alone. I did cry for my Mother, but not until after the funeral and a bucket of booze; I have never shed a tear for my Father, when he passed I just felt numb and a little relieved. But I do miss them both, and enjoy feeling a sense of sharing your rollercoaster ride right now . . . the good and the bad 🙂

Sharing my strengths with you, and if one of them is a void of emotions, feel free to use it if you can.

@Former-Member, we seem to be online at roughly the same time this morning. Lovely to receive your message, as always. Thanks for your well wishes about the anniversary and for your wonderful words about rollercoasters of good and bad emotions with Mum.

I too felt dark and quiet and somewhat relieved at my father's death. The relief was because I lived in fear of him all my life, a fallout from childhood trauma related to his violence. Relief too because death saw an end to his suffering. I wailed and cried for a short time when we went to the hospital in the middle of the night, just after he had died. But in the near-fifteen years since then, I have not cried for him. The best of him (and there was much that was lovable and admirable), seems to be with me now whenever I think of him. I've never felt badly for the lack of his living presence because of this, although I do miss the letter-writing relationship we had with each other, sometimes even when we were living in the same city. He too was a bit of a writer and had a great sense of humour.

Happy to hear you are enjoying the rollercoaster ride with me and Mum. If a void of emotions is like 'dissociation', I think I've been doing some of that too. But no emotion or lack of it seems to last longer than a few minutes when I'm with her. It takes Mum to challenge me more than anyone it seems. In some strange way, I think I may be a bit stronger for having survived this visit.

Doing some washing at the moment in preparation for the move later today over to her holiday unit. Her visit will be over on Tuesday and then we'll go back to our weekly phone conversations. And I'll then be back to missing her and wishing we lived closer, lol.