Hello @PositivePossum6 I read a fair degree of self awareness, responsibility and a willingness to repair/resolve the situation in your post and that indicates a high level of responsibility taken to work with your housemate.
I too are ND and have been in several sharehouses, I have found the most success is when all the housemates are willing to commit to do what it takes for peaceful sharehousing for EVERYONE.
I have had horrible experiences with 2 people (also neurodivergent) who wanted to blame me for all of THEIR problems, due to them having no self awareness, denial complex and an unwillingness to address their own issues. Their attitude was "I am a ND person but in my mind I am perfect but I also deserve endless compassion and sympathy for my own shortcomings which don't exist because I am perfect, and everyone else on the outside is a problem so if I can make those problem people go away, I have no problems".
Except THE PROBLEM is interfacing with other people and it's a huge problem when sharehousing because sharehousing only works when the people choose to live in peace and harmony by compromising and communicating.
In my current house there's a slightly different attitude of "I know i can be difficult so I do my best to get on with the housemates but i let them be difficult and we work through our mutual problems as a house where no one wants to feel left out and they also dont want to be unable to be themselves here". Thats the personality of the main housemate, who is far from perfect and a very messy person but at least he's easygoing.
So to relate to your situation there's a fine line between being accomodating and compromising too much to people who don't want to play the game with you. So I reckon you could think about how much MORE you could do to talk sense to your housemate or even come to terms with the fact he/she is acting butthurt and COULD be trying to control you, or releive themselves from responsibility of using their social skills towards you.
I had a housemate who wanted to live 100% unmasked in our house, not use basic courtesy, not keep the house secure, not communicate, not be fair about use of the house, and he would blame neurodivergence for it. My mental health fell into the toilet because I am used to being treated with respect and enjoying my house, I left and he got dumped with 100% of the rent and i found better housemates who actualy care about wanting a friendly environment in the house.
I don't see my former housemate as an EVIL person who tried to ruin my life, I see him as a severely limited person who lacks social skills, emotional intelligence and will forever spend his life as an angry and frustrated person who refuses to take responsiblity and blames the outside world.
That's his problem not mine and from your post it seems like YOU are perhaps a bit ahead of your housemate and, you defnitely have to be polite and reasonable to them but you cant take it personally if they are unwilling/unable to meet you half way and if having a friendly, harmonious house is not in their life goals.
I have also noticed with a lot of people with complex MH issues that being shame based/defensive can be their default stance, but if you choose to be at peace with your life you can readily be a friend to others. But the shame based/defensive types they never want to be seen to be themselves, they attack others to keep them away. If your housemate is like this you will never truly know them because they have made themselves emotionally unavailable and this is where its very frustrating and sad to know people like this, but also it's like trying to get a dog to have a complex conversation - the dog just can't learn words and talk back to you so you can talk to a dog forever but he just can't or won't talk back cause it's not within his fundamental nature to do so.
So thats a reason why its so important to learn and use social skills, and if you need or want to have a respectful/frinedly relationship with your housemate you might need to make getting a new one as a long term goal, after a conflict a good relationship will resolve to become stronger as each party "should" want the relationship to improve. If the other person doesn't care about having a better or good relationship it's just quite impossible to have that, with them.
All that said I really hope it improves as housemates are like family, we share a kitchen and toilet there should always be some level of mutual respect and affection to each other, inside the home where we come to rest after dealing with all the stress of the rest of society.
I have lived in over 40 houses myself having had an endless search for a place to call home, my current house is "good enough" and "not the worst" and it has made a big difference to my life to have a better housing situation as constant stress from uncomfortable housing takes its toll.
