Damaged trust in relationship-alcohol related

I have had periods of abusing alcohol, specifically drinking more during stressful times. I was in a bad pattern a few months ago and hid it from my (fairly new) partner. They asked me and I was honest. They pulled back, quite understandably.

I didn't drink for a couple of months, but slowly I have let bad habits return. Not to the same degree but who knows what would have happened.

We had some other issues recently and they weren't sure if they wanted to be with me. I was really hurt and felt like it was over. It's been weeks of uncertainty and I found it really painful. But we kept seeing each other and things were looking hopeful.

I had a couple of drinks one evening before seeing my partner. Later that night they told me they were worried and asked me if I'd been drinking. I lied. It was selfish and childish and disrespectful. I think I wanted to preserve some fake version of me that I could respect and feel good enough. I told them I lied about 15 mins later, but the damage is done. I've broken their trust again.

I don't know what's going to happen. It might be better for both of us to break up. I know that he needs to choose what's best for him.

And I need to keep healing the part of myself that lets insecurity take over. I don't want to keep hurting myself or the people I love.