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Im at my wits end with my daughter

olmateContributor07 Feb 2015, 7:44 pm AEDT

Im at my wits end with my daughter

Hello ...Im new here

I dont know if im in the right thread for this post

Our problem with my 25 year old daughter (who still lives at home) is going into its third year now

She is on medication for depression and anxiety

We first realized there was a problem when we got home one day and got a phone call from someone saying our daughter was sitting in her car with the engine running unconscious,it turned out she was intoxicated

For the first 18 months she tried to hide her drinking but now she just does it when she feels like it.

she doesnt just drink until shes pissed, she buys a bottle of spirits and sculls it then shes unconscious so its not like shes enjoying a drink

she has been taken to hospital on numerous occasions after passing out

she has been on life support twice ,she crashed her car during another bout,lost her licence,went missing in Melbourne on her own pissed, we found her pissed at Dandenong hospital recently(we are from the country) and to top it off she started a new job today and was found unconscious in the toilet pissed so it was another ride in an ambulance

We are at our wits end

She has done 2 stints at dayhab Ferntree Gully

She is a compulsive liar and wont even admit to drinking

After each episode she carries on as though nothing has happened

Her doctor has been changing her medication recently to try to get the balance right but i think she doesnt take the medication at all, shes 25 going on 16 if you know what i mean,its like its all of us ganging up against her

A bit of background for you.......My wife is a social drinker I dont drink due to health reasons but alcoholism is in my family history

I was a heavy drinker but when I gave it up I had no withdrawals or any side effects of any kind,I dont get the urge or feel the need to drink at all (its been over 2 years)

So any HELP on where to go from here would be appreciated and I will be more than happy to answer any questions

34 replies

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In response to: Im at my wits end with my daughter

Alessandra1992Senior Contributor03 Mar 2015, 10:59 am AEDT

Re: Im at my wits end with my daughter

Sorry @olmate, my phone doesn't do spell check. I really didn't intend to question your love and concern for your daughter, but more the comment that you mentioned not being able to explain the situation with the dr.
Tough love is what got my brothers through, it nearly broke my mum though but both brothers are here 30 yrs later.. So tough love worked, my mum tapped into all anon to get the strength to make both boys leave..

What I was trying to say was sometimes there are links to addictions in families like alcohol, and sometimes there are none.
And addictions and mental health.. They really don't discriminate..

Tough love is really hard but it saved my brothers.

What do the hospital say when your daughter is admitted? Would they refer her to crisis accommodation and other services if she could not live at home?

I do hope for your daughter and for you, that she will see she needs help and accepts help...

Recovery is possible...for mental health and addictions...

In response to: Re: Im at my wits end with my daughter

BabooSenior Contributor03 Mar 2015, 6:22 pm AEDT

Re: Im at my wits end with my daughter

@olmate ,

i just read back on the first page of this whole conversation. Have you tried any of the supports that cherrybomb suggested for yourself and your partner yet?

Im dealing with ( support is the better word) an unwell family member at the moment who thinks they are not unwell at all- its hugely frustrating. Because no matter what interventions i set up to assist their recovery they simply don't think they need it.

It makes you feel like the cartoon character who has steam coming out of their ears and who pulls out all their hair.

Baboo

In response to: Im at my wits end with my daughter

NikNikSenior Contributor30 Mar 2015, 4:20 pm AEDT

cries for help

This comment has been moved by a moderator to another part of the forum where it might be more easily found by the community.

In response to: cries for help

ivanaSenior Contributor05 Apr 2015, 1:44 pm AEST

Re: cries for help

Olmate-

Your daughter clearly has a SERIOUS drinking problem which needs urgent help-as you know.

The way i see it though,the focus now needs to be on why she drinks not how to stop her drinking.

Try to find out the driving factor of whats causing her to drink to this severity and if shes not interested in telling you then find someone she will talk to-maybe someone her age even.

Clearly to be drinking to this extent is because it does something for her or covers something up.

Eg:Is it the only way she can feel happy or joy in life?

Was she abused and is using alcohol to run away from the feelings?

Is she trying to "self destruct" because something happened to her?

Or some other reason.....

Focusing on rehab,"interventions",being mad when she lies to you,trying tough love etc..it all distracts from the rootcause of her problem and in turn she'll probably keep drinking because you are caught up in this game of you/loved ones not wanting her to drink and then her BS'ing you that shes not etc..

These external factors/attempts to stop her drinking, in a way stop her from having to face the real reasons why she feels the need to drink so much.

Also,generally speaking,does your daughter receive love,attention and affection when things are "smooth" in her life and shes not drinking etc?

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