Im at my wits end with my daughter

Hi @olmate

Welcome to the Forums.

It seems like things are fairly chaotic in your home with your daughter living there, drinking the way she does. I can imagine that it's been quite a roller coster for you - she sounds pretty on and off with attempting to change her drinking behaviour, going to rehab and then leaving only to start drinking again. Can I ask what were the circumstances that led to her decision to seek treatment? And is she complient with treating depression and anxiety?

The reason I ask these questions is because I wonder how ready she is to change some of her behaviour. If she is not willing to commit to making changes, particularly around her drinking, then it is likely that things will remain the same. While she may not be ready to make changes, you can make some changes. For instance, if she unwilling to speak to someone, you can get the ball rolling by contacting a support service, such as Family Drug Helpline to get the ball rolling. On this line, during business hours you can speak to someone who has cared for/cared about someone with a drug and alcohol problem, who may be able to share strategie to manage the situation. Outside business hours the calls are transferred to a professional drug and alcohol counselling line.

Another service that you might want to try is counselling online. It is a free 24/7 online counselling service where you can speak to a professional drug and alcohol counsellor.

You might also want to connect with @Adlin who wrote this post, and @Camelia who wrote this post here. They are both parents who care for an adult child who has a D&A issue and MI. I wonder if they can provide some advice.

Again, welcome to the forums.

CB

You sound like your at the end of your rope,,it also sounds like your daughter is struggling as well,was there a trigger to her turn to alcohol abuse , my daughter uses self loathing and harming to numb her pain, triggers of post traumatic stress disorder PTSD which has evolved to BPD (borderline personality disorder) We are after 7 years getting to the main stem of the trauma but it is a long time coming.and a long way to go .I keep reminding my self of a rhyme my mother lived by ,,

Love them the most

when they deserve it the least

as that is when they

need it the most...

may god things happen for you

Thank You Cherry & annie

I can imagine that it's been quite a roller coster for you- Its so hard that you think shes coming good then out of the blue *BANG* something snaps and Its not her. She is level headed and normal then at the flick of a switch shes just not herself
what were the circumstances that led to her decision to seek treatment- It wasnt her decision it was a decision made between the three of us, She went to dayhab only after a meeting at dayhab and she said she was happy to give it a go. on reflection I think she has an underlying problem that triggers the drinking so if that could be sorted out there wouldnt be the alcohol problem
I know she is an adult and old enough to make her own decisions but after being on life support because of alcohol abuse on more than one occasion. Taken to hospital in an ambulance on numerous occasions,wandering around Melbourne streets incoherent not having a clue where she was, I think she needs to be pointed and pushed in the right direction
We are not going to sit back and wait to see what happens because its politically incorrect to tell an adult child what they can and cant do
If we dont try now it will be too late when I get a call from the police telling me what very parent dreads

Thanks again CherryBomb & annie

Hi @olmate

I know you might think this a little simplistic...but a good start could be to visit your local GP. Your daughter may be reluctant to seek help, but you and your wife could do with some support in both living with, and supporting her. Coaching in managing the more difficult conversations can be supportive, and maybe this practitioner may also have the capacity to include her in future sessions.

Sane's 'fact sheets' may be worth a look, this one, 'Something's not right'

http://www.sane.org/images/stories/information/factsheets/1007_info_28clsnqr.pdf

suggests as you did, that her alcohol consumption could be in fact a sign of an underlying issues, 'self medicating' to cope. It's one step at a time, and you've made the most difficult, saying that there's a problem, and we need help

Keep us in the loop.

Hello Karma

I have seen her doctor who is an expert in this field a couple of times regarding her situation and explained whats going on as Im sure she would be telling him utter lies. obviously her doctor doesnt tell me anything about her condition he just listens to what I have to say and just smiles. I dont know what the smile means but at least he has listened to me

Its obvious she thinks she doesnt need any help and we are cramping her style but at 25 sitting infront of a mirror putting on makeup for hours and not going anywhere doesnt seem right to me (nearly every day)

Im hoping the doctor is on the right track because we have had enough,She takes delight in telling me shes 25 and can do what ever she wants but she cant see shes carrying on like a 14 yo

Thanks again Karma

hi olmate, its strange you say about things popping up out of the blue,,today we discovered a strange trigger that my adult daughter has(who will never be too old for me to love or care for my job as a parent is for life and the love is unconditional) I mentioned to my her a feeling i had about something that may trigger her ,,a friend of her partner whom she gets on very well with feels safe with but , seems every time they went in his car she became agitated annoyed angry and escualted to no sleep rage and back off the track for a few days to a week or so ..she said yeh you know i might just get the train home next time cos i dont like the handles in his car theyre strange and it feels like im trapped and she went on to say he only likes to drive on back roads as the freeway traffic is to fast for his old restored car so it takes double the time to get home so the entrappment was the trigger..her and her boyfriend have known him for 3 years and she feels perfectly safe with him but not his car handles ,,

my daughter has signed papers with her case workers that they can discuss anything with me which helps as they will call me as soon as her name comes up now..

i wish you well and do understand fully the dread of that phone call

Thanks for your input @cheersquad

We are on holidays at the moment, Iv told her to get out before we get home and dont come back until you are to prepared to help yourself

Im sick to death of lie after lie after lie after excuse after excuse after excuse Im starting to think shes a lot worse than I first thought shes living in a dream world

Is it just kids today, they arnt grateful for anything and expect everything or is it just me seeing things this way

Well I can see a lot of you are worse off than me and I take my hat off to you all but with what has happened in the last(other family things) 18 months im over it

I just want time to sit and veg to reflect on other tragic things that have happened, I dont need or want this added pressure .We have been away for 4 days and the phone is running hotter than the bat phone

Thanks guys for your help and support

Time for an other lipton..haha

Hi @olmate

Just thought I'd send a quick note and see how you are going with things.

Sounds like you have made some sort of decision here, have some sort of conviction.It's very hard with alcoholism, because sometimes 'tough love' is the only thing to do. And I don't believe ANYONE is particularly good at tough love.

I guess it really complicates things when there is a mental illness involved. THe question I guess is, does she dring to allieviate her depression and anxiety, or does she get depression and anxiety because she drinks??

All I can say is this - you have emotional support here. I think @CherryBomb 's idea is good - contact the Family Drug Support (find them here). I know the are really good at offering some good practical advice that you might be able to use.

And keep posting.

Hobbit.

Thank youi very much Hobbit AND everyone else for the likes and support

Im not real sure how to operate things with likes and messages of support

Anyway my daughter changed her doctors appointment to today so I sent a message making sure she followed up on seeing a psychologist, anyway I got a couple of confusing messages back so I reminded her that if she made no effort shes out. Getting sorted next week she says......It better be

Hobbit she only sculls she dosnt sit and drink until shes pissed, she will go shopping with mum and slip off to buy something, buy a bottle of spirits scull it then walk around the corner like nothing is going on.

Looks more like a mental rather alcohol problem to me, but how would I know

I think shes buying 275ml bottles because a 700ml bottle put her in intensive care on life support a couple of times (I missed my fathers last fathers day because of this)

Anyway a holiday report......we are staying an extra night maybe 2...will see how things go, the weather had turned a little bit but that dosnt worry us that much

Thank you all

olmate