Saved by hatred

It’s been a minute since I posted last.
Things got the better of me and I made a choice I’d had enough of the rejection from the one person whom I thought I would grow old with.
Made a decision which I alone had full control of in my life. Everything and everyone else had taken all my power and made decisions which they wanted, not what I needed.
At least it was me making a decision for me.

Imagine finding out others had been into your own home and boxed up your entire life and moved it all out to an industrial shed

2m x 2.5m.

That completely broke me. The exact people whom my life was turned upside down by going into my marital home and boxing up my life possession’s.

I then made a decision and ended up where I didn’t want to be. Took a step and yet the one love I had in my heart and never expected to care anymore, was the one who called for a welfare check and life took a new direction.

A week in ICU and back on the street and nothing seems to have changed. Still not allowed to even go to a house I lived in, and help raised step children with all my love.
Now it’s back to the front seat of my car and whatever I need to try to keep working each day. Essentially two different lives every single day. Focused at work and keeping a job, then facing my reality and living in my car.
But at least I get a roof over my head a couple of nights a week - but 3 hour drive each way if I have the energy.
I try to care but get treated like a dog and spoken to like I am the worst, worthless person in the world. No contact is not loneliness. It is a killer from the inside.

No answers anymore unfortunately.

Have tried to be amicable and just saying Yes to everything my partner wants. Trying to be a good person, but when I ask for answers and the truth, I get yelled at and called every name under the sun. I have the entire situation placed squarely at my feet. I try to speak about how I’m feeling but it gets thrown back into my face with full force.

Some people think a simple Sorry is the answer and that’s all they rely on. “Insaid Sorry!”

No dialogue, nothing. Sorry is just not enough sometimes. An explanation on why others have more say on my life would be better than just a simple Sorry. It doesn’t change why those decisions were made and still no explanation. But everyone else knows your business and I’m not allowed to be angry.

Not anymore. I own my behaviour and atrocious decisions. The only thing I can control for myself is myself.

Yet I am expected to still pay for everything taken from me, house (mortgage payments for a house I haven’t been inside firm 3 months), kids (whom I’ve been banned from any contact with), car payments for keeping I’m with the joneses and health insurance for my kids.

The one thing I truly have is the freedom of my own decisions only. Until others make a decision to change and then back in the car.