Parental Alienation

im living it @Sadness2015 my children are adults & the no contact has come from a mixture of things my own role included.

im not going to say i know what your feeling as im a dad and dont know if your daughters are old enough to want this or others are making the decisions for them which is up to you to talk about if your comfortavle only and not necessary.

i expect it must be harder for a mum and im here if you want to talk i dont shock easy and i wont judge you as im pretty f$%%$%d up myself.

just if you respond make sure to put @ in front of my username or anyones so they get the notification example @Sadness2015 it should turn blue and can click on a name in dropbox if its in there

hope your safe

@REDLINEZ750 - thank you for your reply .... I honestly don't think it is tougher, no matter which parent it happens too - I have yet to meet a mother that it has happened to irl .... I have only spoken to fathers (mostly on support forums). Unfortunately, I have been judged over and over again - by both women and men - so I just withdrew within too myself. I no longer recognise the person I am.

I found out that my ex-husband was living a double life, and we were stuck under the same roof while separated for another 18 months ..... during this period he turned my daughters against me ever more - with more lies and manipulation - until he pushed me out of the house... at this time, my daughters were only 7 and 12 .... I had only arrived in Australia within the year that this happened - so, no friends, no employment, no family, no resources - and the system failed me completely when I finally got some assistance through a Legal Aide Attorney. I lost my funding after 3 years as my ex refused to abide by anything the judge ordered .... and nothing was done about it. He just erased himself off social media and disappeared - he did leave a parting shot that if I ever tried to find my daughters he would end their lives, something he had threated before separation - but I was so isolated already from everyone (I now know this as dv) - so I had nothing and was left with nothing. I have tried applying for legal again (no use I was told and I would not get further funding, after they looked at my file), the police are a joke and refused point blank to help me - I have searched social media over the years to try and find them .... but my ex was an IT geek and wrote programming - he even monitored by phone and computer use (yeah only found out by complete accident about a month before we separated) .... so I am sure that he would have bugs on my daughters computers and phones as well ... a leopard does not change it's spots... I just never saw this coming in a million years .... never mind that I would still be living this nightmare 10 years later. I lost my two closest friends of 25 years within two years of separation, I have been in no contact with any family in over 30 years (another complication) - I have attempted to make new friends and date .... but my trust issues are so bad, it is impossible to build a life.

no one deserves that @Sadness2015 unless they abuse the children no one deserves that.

thats a living nightmare you poor soul.

so they would be 17 to 22 i would think they will also seek you someday soon at those ages wether its when they start thier own families out from under his rule if not presently trying too.

if theres no court orders in place im not sure why you were denied lega;l rights i noticed you said had only been in australia a little did you move other as a family together?

it doesnt need to be answered if you dont want to i was only curious about biology which i understand is your business and does not make any difference in the love you miss and have had taken so horribly.

clearly you love them and i had my kids partner destroy my image too when we broke up after 18yrs i know its easier to put wrong information in a childs mind at 7 and 12 though than it is once they start seeing a bit more of the world and others in it.

did they have passports at time you last saw them?

are you ok after posting that?

there are plenty of people on here that are also non judgemental that may be easier for you to talk to @tyme @Shaz51 @Ru-bee but do not think for 1 sec thats me passing you off i really appreciated your opinion of parents suffering on a level field when it comes to the children more thinking culturally although your english is better than mine 😁

im NZ born and spent more years in Australia now by far and 50yr old male obviously and your not alone i just tagged the people that support us on threads and have better knowledge of resources and threads that best suit individual needs they would see you eventually anyway thety have just have a lot to get through each day i hope you are feeling safe?

what do you have planned today?

also sorry i took a while to get back i was catching up before i noticed in case you are there i am about to be in telehealth till 12.30ish so will be away from forum till then @Sadness2015

Thanks for tagging me @REDLINEZ750

Hello @Sadness2015 I've been reading along with your posts and didn't initially reply here as I'm conscious that you are looking for others who have been through a similar experience. I have not, and don't have children, so I cannot know what you have experienced in a way that others might (and I have seen that you've been able to connect with others on here who do a have a lived experience of being separated from children) but I can always listen and support you here.

I also just want to highlight the strength that it takes to be so open about these traumatic experiences. It sounds as though you have had be very strong throughout this to be here with us today.

I really hope that connecting here brings you some comfort, and that this may be a safe space for you to continue to share.

Yes, @Sadness2015 I still experience the consequences of parental alienation. The father of my children was also an IT programmer, and often they can be so full of all their heady calculations that they are distanced from real empathy and healthy emotions and goodness. I actually did science at first and can see its value, but too much of anything is too much. I think our situation is older. My girls are around 40. Finding online material about parental alienation did help me understand that it is a rising problem today. I am sorry the best I can do is learn to cope with my grief for my biological daughter, and the fact that she was manipulated and bribed by too many overseas trips. It has been devastating for the connections among my 2 biological children. Lots of fragmentation even though I actively championed that mothers rights to contact by driving across town fortnightly for years.

My ex used me to get custody of a baby via Protective Services from his ex. Hmmm. I foolishly believed him, gave 16 years of day and night hard labour, and lost my own health through overwork and neck injury.

This country has its problems. All the so called services are not necessarily pulling their weight or doing what they should. I am not sure where you came from. My mother tongue is not English but I was born here.

I was in so much physical pain and had such low self esteem I didn’t know how to assert my rights for my own daughter. I got one access visit before she left the country at 14 to go on a student exchange to an American aunt who used her as company going through her divorce. My daughter stayed there for a year. What I have learned is how rich people use systems to selfishly get their way. I come from extreme poverty and was too much a people pleaser and looked out for others, foolishly trusted, but didn’t know how to protect myself from predators. I did know caregiving and valued love and affection and hard work, but very much played for a fool. My ex said I was a boiled frog, a scapegoat, but he was the one gradually turning up the heat and yanking the carpet out from under my feet.

wish I had better news for you

@REDLINEZ750

the manipulation of the girls into big alpha egos, unfolded badly for the youngest, my son. I am ashamed of their aggressions and lack of family feelings towards my son. My situation has included so called Protective Services in many generations. I come from extremely complex family backgrounds. I didn’t even know how unusual it was cos it was my normal.

@Appleblossom umm i didn't feel right in clicking support button as it wouldn't do how much i respect your strength justice it deserves.i will never insult you by claiming to understanding what you had to indure i certainly empathise to my capacity which would still fall short of understanding.

i know I'm a stranger i am being genuine though and i apologise if i ever inadvertently posted anything that may of caused you unwanted thoughts and or feelings.

man your squeeze hugs must emit so much energy

@REDLINEZ750 @Appleblossom - just needed to take a break yesterday off here, this is seriously overwhelming being on here and sharing - I know my limits mentally - yeah my ex-husband was abusive towards my daughters physically and more mental/phycological abuse towards me, which changed to physical as well in the last few months we were together.... but when you have no money, no support system in place in a new country - it was extremely tough on me.

@REDLINEZ750 - there were no court orders in place, my ex-husband just chose to ignore the judge and advise of his attorneys/child support counsellors - and disappeared - and that was the end of it .... I had a bad legal aide attorney who did nothing to assist me .... my ex had an attorney he way paying $1000 per hour and this was 10 years ago .... money and connections talk.

Hello @Sadness2015 I want to acknowledge how much you have been through and I hear how overwhelming it can be, thank you for having the courage to share on the forum and reach out when you need. We hope you are getting enough help and support, but if you ever need extra support 1800 RESPECT (Home | 1800RESPECT) might be helpful, 1800 737 732. If you haven't already used them, they might be able to provide some further advice or guidance. Hope this helps and please take care.