Moving forward (sexual abuse )

@Former-MemberYou have nothing to be ashamed about AT ALL!! The only shame should fall upon the person that hurt you. You have done nothing wrong and it definitely is NOT your fault. it is natural to feel like it is your fault or that you should have been able to do something to stop it but that is not the TRUTH! When one person exerts their power over another, without consent, that is in no way down to you - they are the one at fault! Even though I know all this myself it took a long time to understand and accept it.

As for being numb - I have spent the majority of my life feeling like that so the pain would nit destroy me totally. So I completely get the robot feel and 'just going through the motions'.

I don't know if it would help but I have a long history of abuse and trauma and have only just started to deal with some of it. It has been extremely difficult and I have also only disclosed some of what I have been through to a few people - GP, psychologist and a few peopleon here know bits and pieces. I have never told my 'whole story' to anyone.

Hugs @Zoe7

Just want to say... you have achieved a lot in your life and you will continue to shine! You have made a massive difference to people on the forums, you connect with people with such caring responses. You are honest and kind. I know from what you've shared before that you were wonderful in your job and went above and beyond to make things better for your students. I think i can guess how you're feeling at the moment in that you have failed at something... but you havent, you're taking time to make yourself better, and you'll come out stronger for it. keep faith in yourself for how far you've come, despite how much youve been through accross your years. As hard as its been you (and me too!) have also found ways to shine 🙂 There is a way through the murk.

@Former-Member

Zoe is a model to look up to I think! 🙂

lj

Oh @Former-Member I don't know what to say! - your response really touched me

I don't think anyone has ever described me as a model to look up to - I am completely overwhelmed, and honestly flattered by that comment (and the others in your post). You brought tears to my eyes - not just because of what you wrote - but also because it came from you. Why? - I wrote something yesterday in a response to one of your posts and it wasn't until a little time afterwards that realised that I may have inadvertently stepped over the line and it may have been triggering for you. By this time it was too late and I felt absolutely awful about it. So please accept my heartfelt apology - I definitely did not mean to cause you any harm and I am so sorry if I did.

Zoe

I certainly don't see myself as a role model @Former-Member - just someone who has had a similar experience and can relate to some of what you are feeling. I am happy to help - it is a really difficult thing to talk about and even more difficult to ask for support to deal with - so it that regard YOU are a role model to everyone who has shared a similar experience

You're very welcome @Former-Member. Here for you

Yes the emotional pain definitely turns into physical pain - I have been really suffering this over the last week or so.

I'm about to start another thread so it doesn't get confused with yours - I am (finally) going to tell my story - I'll tag you in - some of it may be triggering so don't read if it will be - but some may be helpful if you do read it to understand the effects of abuse through my eyes.