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Im always the bad person

Im always the bad person

I wrote a few times about my daughter and events that had occurred at that time. My daughter's relationship with me had never been a good one. She would manipulate me with her anger and her manipulating ways and argue with me until I would almost drop with her nagging and nagging and nagging to get her own way, then she would play the blame game. My eldest daughter left home at 15 to live with my parents just to get away from her sister, so I was alone with this controlling child with no help. To this day she's still manipulating situations and playing blame games to get her way. If I stick up for myself, I am the most horrible mother and grandmother and cut down like branches off a tree and then thrown into the fire to burn.

To explain past events so as to understand the now........ For quite a few years my two sisters would have Christmas with their families, one of my daughters lives 3-hour flight away and the other daughter, the one in question lives 30 minutes away by car. The daughter in question for a number of years had Christmas lunch with her partners family, I then would not see her until boxing day, this happened year after year, and I spent Christmas alone, by myself every time, my sisters didn't know this as they had their own families. Well, guess what her partners family don't want to put on Christmas this year, so my daughter has basically invited herself and family to my place for Christmas dinner. I had had a rough few weeks, both my birds have been very ill because I hatched three out of 12 pekin bantam eggs. When they were able, I put them in a coop with heat plate bedding etc, in the same room as my budgie and cockatiels, the lounge room. I did not know that chick bedding and or chicks can make domestic birds ill. I really thought I was going to lose the Tiel as he is 17, I hand reared him at 2 weeks. So, with two sick birds, appointments for myself, finding new homes for the chicks and my bad back that felt paralysing at times, I couldn't get myself to message my daughter back about her coming up for Christmas because I didn't want the confrontation and the manipulating at that stage. So, I text her back and explained why I hadn't returned her text until a few days later with everything going on. I also said that after having Christmas lunch with my sister and husband when I leave ill pop in after that on my way home, my daughter lives two streets away from my sister. Well didn't I cop it. She said, and I don't really understand this first statement, INTERESTING THAT WAS BY ACCIDET. I MENTIONED AGES AGO ABOUT LUNCH, GUESS YOU FORGOT SO NEVER MIND. GREAT DAY THIS HAS BEEN. IM NOT USING MY PHONE FOR A WHILE, TALK ANOTHER TIME.

If she had a bad day, well so had I have a few bad days with staying up not sleeping trying to calm sick birds down from their respiratory conditions breathing heavy having moments of panic and stress me with bad back and not knowing what was going to happen with finding homes for this 10 day old chicks and all these appointments I had to attend. Not to mention, she only wants Christmas with me because her partners mother won't do Christmas at her place anymore, so she has nowhere to go but me, but I wasn't wanted when she went to her partners family every year when I was left by myself. You know this child of mine never rings me or texts me to see how I am or if I need anything, I lost my job through injury, they said I was a liability, so they go rid of me. my health is not getting better the osteoarthritis chronic torn Rotar cuff and bicep that has dislocated and a bad back. The only time I hear form her is when she wants money or she wants me to do borrow my car for a few days because hers is out of action. I could be on the floor, and she would not know for weeks because she doesn't get in touch with me for anything other for herself. So, my sister asked me if I would like to have Christmas with her this year and I said I may as well because I don't know what my daughter is doing nothing is set in concrete. So, I made my decision said I would come by bearing gifts after leaving from my sister's place, if she was going to her partners parents this year, I again, wouldn't be given a thought.

3 replies

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In response to: Im always the bad person

Re: Im always the bad person

hey @17M i'm so sorry to hear how poorly your daughter has treated you. it must've been really frustrating and upsetting to have your her not understand your situation and take it personally.


i had a friend who spoke to me in a similar way and only reached out to me when she needed something. she often took my boundaries and choices as a personal attack despite my explanation. at the end, i had to place stricter boundaries so that i could protect my own mental health but also to help my friend learn that their behaviours towards me were not ok. i can see how setting strict boundaries with a family member would be quite tough, but you do deserve to be treated with respect and kindness too.

i'm so glad to hear that you're spending christmas with your sister - you deserve to be around people who make you feel wanted!! your daughter has already said she's not coming, and even if she changes her mind, it wouldn't be fair on you at all. i do hope you have a lovely time with your sister 💙

In response to: Re: Im always the bad person

Re: Im always the bad person

Things have gotten out if hand i have been blamed and daughter has used grandchildren to manipulate with mental blaming. I offered solutions to see them after my sister but not good enough. Im leaning towards not going anywhere and being by myself and blow Christmas all together im fed up and over all the drama. If the kids were so important then why did she for many Christmas go to boyfriends family and leave me by myself she had an answer for that she said I never offered to have Christmas st my place, how could i when she would tell me im having Christmas with partners family for lunch ill see you on boxing day. And she added a few more cutting things. So Christmas again can just pass me by. Im getting too old puttingbup with self centred peopleits not about you its about the kids, she said. I said it's not about the kids it's about family, to no avail

In response to: Re: Im always the bad person

Re: Im always the bad person

@17M that must've been extremely frustrating and heartbreaking to hear, i'm really sorry that she's dragged it on and made you feel like you're at fault, even though you've always reached out to her.

the way she's treating you, and communicating with you, doesn't not seem fair or respectful at all. it sounds like she hasn't taken much accountability for her choices, but expects you to go above and beyond for her. i do hope you don't let her words stop you from spending time with your sister. you've made so many sacrifices and compromises for her, you deserve to do nice things for yourself.

you know yourself better than she knows you, and her words are a true reflection of your character. but regardless, it is painful hearing hurtful things from our loved ones. sending you gentle hugs 💙

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