exhausted today

Hi there @lil_green_clock,

It sounds like you've been putting so much effort supporting your partner for the last 3 days. The way that you've shared what is going on for them, shows how much understanding and grace you have given them so far!

It's hard to not take every "no" or resistance personally, even if we understand where they're coming from. So it's totally understandable why you've had to spend a good amount of time co-regulating your emotions too. Having an understanding of where your partner's at, doesn't mean that you're not allowed to feel hurt or upset by the situation after all.

You're doing all the right things, but you're being pulled in so many different directions. Prioritising ourselves and our comfort when it feels like our loved ones need us more, can be difficult, especially when we want to support them to the best of our ability!

However, it's also really important to remind yourself that caring for yourself means that you are in a better space to care for them 🏵 So keep doing all those steps that you're doing to keep yourself okay, and if it's feeling like it's not enough, it's alright to ask for help.

There's a variety of support options available for carers through the Carer Gateway if you're wanting some help.

In the meantime, we hope that the community can provide you with some useful words and tips to help you through this stressful time. Take care!

Thank you so much for your words 😭 having some kind, validating words helped a lot.

I am taking time for myself today to rest and recover, and trying to let myself be without needing to "be" anything to anyone. Trying to protect myself so I don't burn out and not be able to help anymore.

Gday @lil_green_clock it sounds like you have a lot on your plate and I ask you, is it an option for you to just shut a door somewhere and tell the people who are relying on you, to WAIT until you have restored yourself to come back out again? I find that 'they' take and take and take, but it's very hard to get back the energy and desire to keep giving. For me, saying NO has been something very empowering and they tend to actually understand that, like little kids they get told NO and it indicates boundaries that assist them to get what they want/need 'next time'.

Hi @lil_green_clock thank you for sharing a little about what you are going through right now in your post. Caring for others can have a big impact on our own ability to function and care for ourselves. I can only imagine how your own nervous system might be after the hard work of self- regulating, co-regulating, and managing of both your and their emotions over the last three days. It makes sense you'd be feeling exhausted and depleted. Do you know what it is you need in these moments in time to reduce/prevent things getting worse? The knowing what helps and the doing of "it" are two different things, especially if more responsibility is weighing on your shoulders at the moment.

@lil_green_clock

You are doing the right thing by looking after yourself. You cannot pour from an empty cup. You might need more that one day. Do you have some self-care strategies that you can use to help you recharge? It might be worth a google and seeing what works for you. You sound like you are close to burn out and are a bit overwhelmed at the moment. Just try to look out for yourself right now. Put on your own oxygen mask first before you try and help someone else. It might be worth talking to a counsellor or a trusted friend about how you are feeling?

I really resonate with everything you've said. It almost felt like you were writing to me haha. I've been trying so hard for my partner, but nothing really gets better, we discover a new low, and I just don't know what to do. I try to be honest, and say "I don't know what to do," but that just makes him sadder, and triggers a spiral. I feel so lost and tired. I understand how you feel, thank you for making me feel less alone.

hey @tealeblaire, i just wanted to pop in to welcome you to the forums!

i also wanted to share a lil tip - you can tag the person you want to respond to by using the @ symbol and typing the username. when you select the username, it should turn blue like this @lil_green_clock - this means the person tagged will be notified of your response 😊

Hi @rav3n,

Thank you for the welcome and for the tip, much appreciated 🙂

Hi @Sugarshack thank you for your message. I am learning and practicing setting boundaries, taking time for myself, and taking care of my needs. It's hard breaking the big habits and the big guilt I feel, but it is slowly getting easier to do. I know it helps me lots when I do it.

Hi @Sugarshack thanks for your message. I typed a response and then it disappeared on me. But anyway. I am slowly learning and practicing setting boundaries, taking care of my needs, and being aware of my limits. It's really tricky after a long time of not doing that/feeling like I couldn't do that. I am learning it slowly and it helps me.