Mine and my sisters relationship with our parents

hey @Jules5 firstly- welcome to the forums!

sorry to hear how rough things were during your childhood, feeling like 'you're in prison' must've been really exhausting. i am glad that you both were able to find your own safe spaces and finally breathe.

i'm curious to know, does your sister want to connect with/rebuild a relationship with your parents again? also, do you?

my sister and i clash with my parents a lot of the times, and i've had to play the 'middle man' on multiple occasions too - i absolutely understand how tiring and frustrating it can get. i had to set some boundaries for myself to help manage that relationship. i wonder if boundary setting would be helpful for you and your sister too?

we're here for you 💙

Hi there, thanks for responding to me!

I believe my sister does want a relationship with my parents. But at the same time it’s very hard to forget how we grew up. I would love to just brush past everything and forget and move on. But it’s so much harder than that. Because of what my dad did, my mum also get punished. (No texts, no calls and no life updates etc). They live in a very small judgemental bubble.

I broke the news to my mum that my sister is nearly due (obviously didn’t know until 1 month off being due). And she just claims my sister has stolen her life experiences even though they robbed us of a childhood. I’m beginning to think both my parents are narcissists and that there’s more to it.

I know I should set up boundaries but I fear they don’t know what boundaries are.

it's hard when a part of you hopes things could be better and improve, but then there's the other part that reminds you how they treated you and it's harder to hold onto that hope. i wish things could've been easier for you 💙

so it sounds like your dad is the main person you both feel unsafe with, and then mum tends to support dad? let me know if i've got it wrong.

i can see your mum's pov, and why she would be heartbroken about not knowing until the final month. at the same time, this is the consequences of her own actions, and it's absolutely not you or your sister's fault. you both did what was best for you both to feel safe.

boundary setting can tough, i know i've found it hard with my own parents too. there's no promise they'll listen, but it might be worth giving a go. for example, if your parents want to chat/meet up with you or your sister, arranging it only in public places (like cafes, parks, shopping centres, etc) - this way it can be easier to exit a conversation (not trapped in anyone's home) and often times our tone/body language/behaviour is less likely to escalate when there's others around.

also wondering, would you and sister be interested in getting therapeutic support? it can either be for yourselves, to work through the trauma and get support in managing your familial relationships or, maybe even trying something like family therapy? if your parents are anything like mine, they probs won't like the family therapy idea (which is totally fair) but just thought i'd suggest as an option to consider.

otten family dynamics change the day a grandchild is born @Jules5 day before nope, day of birth yip i hope its a light that reaches all your hearts.

i hope baby is healthy and birth isnt too rough on sister

some mums be wounded yous have flown the coop and if now the reciever of what you both got last 3'4 yrs doesnt know how to deal with thay so lashes out with blame and learnt

it easier maybe even safer for her to be seen sharing same judgement as father when the door closes if they dont have many others in thier lives.

are thier great grandparents in the picture?