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Struggling to support my partner.

Struggling to support my partner.

Hello, new to this space and seeking guidance on my current situation with my partner. A little back story we have been struggling with highs and lows for quite sometime. We’ve been together nearly 11 years. We both had a share of struggles during this time. We have a son and another child nearly due. I’ve been off work for nearly a month now as my partner has been struggling with daily life. Their mental health has been on a downward for a while and it has got much worse. They’ve recently came home from hospital after they attempted to end their life. We have extensive support from the hospital and they have been great. But since they’ve been home things are getting harder again, for a long while now I haven’t had any say over our son, from the smallest things like dressing him, which park we take him to, what food he eats, to bigger stuff like when I can visit my family with him, my partner panics over anything I want to do with my son it makes me feel so useless and not trusted. Since I had time alone with my son when they was in hospital I felt like I was able to parent for the first time in ages. So when they came back home the controlling behaviour started immediately and I was met with a lot of criticism. it made me upset pretty quickly. Which now has caused a lot of tension in the the house.I feel now I haven’t got the energy in me to be present anymore I can’t sit through anymore talks to help I just get too upset. I feel guilty for running out of steam and I know my partner is going through a lot right now. We have talked about how I am feeling and my partner is aware on the pressure I’m feeling and the controlling habits over our son how I can’t parent. They say they working on it and they want to get better, but I have to be more supportive and let it go. Which I find hard to do right now I feel if I keep enabling this behaviour it certainly wouldn’t help. So I’m very stuck and unsure how I can help from here. There’s other struggles my partner is facing right now but this one in particular is really difficult for me I’m not coping well. Hope this doesn’t sound like a “rant” I’m just not sure where to go.

2 replies

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In response to: Struggling to support my partner.

Re: Struggling to support my partner.

Hi @JR489 and welcome to the forums

I'm glad that you've found this space, and while your post doesn't sound like a 'rant', sometimes having a rant or a vent can be helpful, especially when we're able to share things that we've been holding in for a while. It sounds as though this has been a really, really hard time for you and your partner, and it's understandable that you might be struggling to cope right now, when juggling your own emotions and struggles as well as being supportive of your partner's as well.

I'm wondering if you and your partner have any other forms of support that you're able to lean on and talk openly to? Could be family or friends, or more professional forms of support?

I do just want to say again that it's completely understandable and common for those who take on a caring role for a loved one to run out of steam, or to face burn out, it's a very hard position to be in and many carers are so focused on providing support that they don't realise that they need support too! It's absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.

In response to: Re: Struggling to support my partner.

Re: Struggling to support my partner.

hello thank you for your reply, yeah its certainly has been hard to keep it together . My partner has support it’s still early days. They have a mental health care team which catches up frequently. Family wise my partner doesn’t have support from their family just my side. As for me i have barely spoke to anyone about how i am doing. as i feel very guilty for speaking up. This is the first time i have said something.

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