Silence after a close bond

Hello @MendMyMind

Yes there's a void where part of our heart used to be, or could be, or should be. It's so painful.

I'm estranged from family and seem unable to build new connections.

Have you had a recent breakup?

@MendMyMind @Dimity i know both struggles better than id like to & hope your both ok i just realised this post isnt new

@Dimity have you been estranged long?

i be going on 1 year very soon

pretty sure been on same thjreads just never spoke much if at all

actually mendmymind seems familiar also 🤔

ugh

time for bed

Hello @REDLINEZ750

Estranged 20 years for some, basically since my mother passed.

And on-again-off-again communication with others. Not sure where I stand with them.

hey just getting back on after few days away @Dimity and took me a bit get back to this sorry

thanks for reply

you know what its about then.

yes i read how long its been still im sorry about your Mum,, time doesnt make the hurt any less just easier to live with

have you been on forums a while?

how are you @MendMyMind ?

7 years apparently @REDLINEZ750 .

I've lost contact with too many people. Some my fault, I have an unfortunate knack of upsetting people when I don't intend to.

ahhh i apologise i read it as though that was 20yrs ago, so sorry to have gotten that wrong and gutted at myself for it hope not to of offended @Dimity 7 years is bot that long at all.

i have same knack its usually people not being clear about the love they have for truth being around everything but themselves or in general if it doesnt suit them.people are wierd,

not having the ability to trust someone twice regardless who they are to me gets me called names to

Hello @REDLINEZ750 sorry for the confusion...

20 years since estrangement with most of the family. 7 years a member of forums. Negotiating breakdown in communication with another family member at present.

No need to apologise, I'm very sorry you've experienced break-ups too. And victimisation by the sound of it. Would you like to talk about it?

Maybe you had a rough night... you posted in the small hours... sending my very best wishes and hoping you're doing OK.

I'm going to take the day quietly. The weather looks better, a promising start.

hey @Dimity

oki got ya now, glad i didnt cause any distress

been over 25yrs Christmas call from Mum and bray. only contact

she's come over handful times since late 90s and i been back twice.

that's only times seen remaining brother, and sister once more when sister was over for first time mid 2023.

kids all adults out on their own 3 of them have families their own haven't had contact with any over year now they made 1 or 2 attempts in that time to ring i didn't answer if they in trouble they will message and i will go then leave again once i do whets needed if i can.

Radical acceptance was my way through too much and can't unrig a bell.

had a trauma response few years ago from what shouldn't of happened happening.

not even a minute later i found out what gaslighting was & reacted as predicted making me perfect scape goat been unable control triggering since & considered unemployable.

yesterday a phone call of hope good lasted a few minutes till an unrelated email trumped it with bad news. I kind saw it coming still caused distress so spent whole night basically doing head miles until spoke to right people about it today.

catching up with forum family now which i like despite being numb & drained.

pretty much it, lost all my assets i dont even have my own furniture but kept me falcon and bike

found forum this year after the ceo of sane was on a podcast i was listening too.

happened to land on right page every user kind nonjudgemental and accepting and now i look forward to spending time with people i will never meet more than people i omce knew for decades.

had no idea of its existance till then after near 70 hrs in therapy was never mentioned or on walls to see.

sorry thats umm me being mindful of post size cough cough

how did you go with quiet day?

It's good you found the forums @REDLINEZ750 .

Sounds as though you've had a rough trot. The trauma response and triggering is hard - have you had support or therapy with it? Sorry to hear you've lost just about everything including ongoing connections with your kids and their families.

Had a quiet day, trying to catch up with domestic stuff but not as much as I needed. Clothes dryer died, probably time I replaced it and the washing machine.

Went on my daily walk and had to walk around the local magpies, they're too tame for their own good.

Hope you have a better night tonight.

magpies are so cool @Dimitythey have collective memories too.

have you seen the machines put clothes in dirty and come back they washed and dried ready to fold?

thanks, its ok though the price of love is loss. horse has bolted

now i need to focus on trusting myself if startled so can safely retrain and see whats next while im still physically capable,

they tried ro parent me then weaponize my grandkids to force me to capitulate.

happened to me turning 13 @Dimity

this time its the family i 'thought' i had.

then it was family i didnt 'know' i had until an ocean away before internet or mobile phones existed.

a 12yr old that knew everything learnt how little he did know and lost everything and everyone he knew even last name changed he didnr exist.

i learned to grieve the living with no one to teach me what grief was

avoided being hurt like that again next 38yrs only ones got close enough to do it was my kids and thier mother.

18years together she sick of trying tame a mongrel wants a lapdog.

oldest boy refused stay home despite me on couch surf.

i know i made mistakes i didnt hit them didnt abuse them, earned good money they all had bikes and what kids wanted, sports etc.

only told failings once they moved out, yet howl if busy when they wanted me. never came at me is only respect they showed.

hurt me when only people i love treat me like shit.

over something stupid to say they dont want me near the business the home or the family when i was trying find right meds it hurt me like pain i felt once before and i grieved the loss of love. not had a sook i grieved love lost,

no one should have to grieve a loved one twice.

im also ok with what people think i dont hear the outrage or judgement long.

this is still in line with mendmyminds topic i think