Trauma and social skills

I'm not trying to be biased, but I lacked social skills terribly. I've also been a stronger writer than speaker so I used these very forums to help me gain confidence to practice 'talking' to people. I then found myself applying those skills outside to real world situations @Ruby26

Another strate that helped a lot owas group therapy. We had some really firey characters in group therapy so the facilitators often had to step in calm the situation. Yet in doing so, I learnt what it was like to step in to heated situations etc.

I have to say, being able to sit with feeling uncomfortable and trying something new has been key. I used to always avoid things, but I learnt I got no where that way.

Sorry for the blah...

Long story short, it doesn't happen overnight. It involves putting yourself out there and taking some measured risk to be vulnerable in social situations. @Ruby26

@Ruby26 @tyme I suffered childhood trauma and have no social skills. I don't know about cause and effect, but suspect my ineptitude invites what I perceive as bullying and abuse.

I feel very raw.

@Ruby26 @Dimity

I'm not sure if this gives any encouragement, but I hope that along with tyme's response it might.

I have a friend who has very very little/poor social skills. I assumed it was autism, but apparently it may be from trauma not autism. However, regardless of the cause - our group still accept her as herself. She isnt rude or ill-intent; just doesnt have the social warmth or skills to ask about others or their interests. I find one useful thing is to find a topic we are both interested in, so they can fully engage and have a two-way interested discussion.

Is there specific things that make you think you don't have good social skills?

@AlwaysMyself @Ruby26

I am aware that childhood trauma has had negative impact on my social skills. I’m not good at small talk and don’t have similar life experiences to lot of people. I’m not comfortable being around large group of people. Trying to be part of general conversations with small group I feel I don’t have the skills to be part of the conversations

things that have helped me is being part of a small group of people where we all share the same interest and get together once a week, every week. It took time for me to get to where I am, well worth it though. At first I was juggling things, on one side sitting with the uncomfortable feelings, on the other side the feelings of enjoyment that I was experiencing from being part of something I enjoy

Thanks for your acknowledgement @AlwaysMyself .

As to specifics, where would I start... and probably not without feeling "safe". So I guess it's a vicious circle.

That's OK @Dimity . If you ever do want to chat, know you are welcome and invited to tag me.

Some people say I have "excellent" social skills, other say I have "poor" social skills. 😅. I think for me it depends on the context and "if i give a shit" to spend the energy if I'm feeling peopled out 🤣🤣. The great thing about the forums is there is never any obligation - so if im in a "dont give a shit" mood I just dont engage 🥰. Im not usually in that mood, but sometimes if im feeling really depressed I can be, but more so with face to face obligations (family, groups).

@Former-Member i love your insights. 🥰

I never picked you as someone with poor social skills - you do good from posts I have seen. 🥰🥰 I say that as an encouragement to you, given how much you have had to learn and effort. 🤗

There’s a huge expanse between comfortable to type vs comfortable to talk in person @AlwaysMyself

From early high school I became very good at putting up a facade where no one knew or guessed what I was actually living through. It was not that until form 5 (year 11) that the facade started to crack and my grades went from in top 10 to 15% of that level to struggling to pass. Travelling on 2 buses, approx 2hrs one way didn’t help. At suggestion of the only teacher who cared I gave up my dream of Form 6 followed by University. I went to TAFE where I nearly completed an Accounting Certificate prior to undergoing substantial surgery (that’s entire story on its own)

@Ruby26

Absolutely @Dimity . You made a really good point.

I guess for me, I lived so long, withdrawn, isolated and closed off from the world that for me, for anything to change, I had to take the risk and reach out.

This was my 'safe' space where I could then take the skills out into the real world.

I appreciate that it is different for everyone, and it's about finding what works for them.

I also have to say, that throwing myself into the deep and engaging in group therapy was also a massive milestone. It was so hard, but totally worth it.

Thanks @tyme . I get your gist despite what seem a couple of typos 🙂

I don't have the option of group therapy at present but am getting tough love from a new psychologist. Still processing today's session! She's giving me a reality check re getting my life on track.

I do need to talk to people in real life. I go weeks without seeing people.

You're funny @Dimity I fixed my typos... actually, secret is, I'm not wearing my glasses so maybe that's why? It's bad, but the screen is all blurry. I'll go and get them lol

I think I 'talk' to people so much in my work and that's why when I'm at home, I don't have any desire to see anyone else.

I think it would be different if I didn't have anyone to connect with day in and day out.

It's seems to be quite healthy that you recognise you have a need to connect with others.

That's why we're here for each other!!!