Something's might be looking up

Hi @Shirazchurch

Don't think we've talked before so nice to meet you.

Well done for reaching out and getting help. Hopefully beyond blue and mindspot can help in your healing.

I totally understand your words about trying to make friends. It is something I really struggle with too. If talking to someone I get so anxious and normally just try and get out of there as quickly as possible. At the moment, I have no friends in real life.

Are there any social groups around where you live? Anything run by the local council at all? Might be worth trying a search. I know it may be really daunting walking into a room full of strangers, but it might be a good starting point.

Perhaps it might be about starting small. Just inviting one person out for coffee. Just working on one relationship and see how you go.

This is where I have found the Sane forums helpful. I have been able to make some friendships on here. I find it is easier to connect with people.

I know it's not the same as connecting with people in real life. I know that I still need to try and make friends outside of here. However at this stage in my recovery, I am finding it quite helpful.

It can be really hard to navigate the outside world. To try and connect with others when we have so much happening in our lives.

I will question you when you said that you're the one that's made the mistakes. Yes perhaps you've made a few mistakes, but maybe it's about those people too. Perhaps they made some mistakes along the way too. All I'm trying to say is maybe it's not all your fault. They might have played a part too.

I think it depends on what you believe a "friend" should be. Is a friend someone you meet online like here or is a friend somebody you spend years getting to know? I mean, I could be a friend to you but you might not see me that way. A friend could also be somebody who shares your problems or a friend could be someone who just shows up and supports you.

What do you define a friend to be as? For me, a friend is somebody whom I can speak easily with so that way, I have several "friends" already, including people in this forum, especially those who have replied to me.

Hi @Shirazchurch thank you for sharing this post, and please to meet you. As I was reading your words I connect with the part of myself that also struggles with making new connections and friends. Something I have been trying recently is giving myself the time to work on a 'glimmer' or connection, which could be simply saying "Good morning" or "Hello" to someone (e.g. someone I walk past when I am out, a staff member or customer). It may not be much but it is helping me build on me wanting to connect with others, and also reducing the pressure of it being a quick interaction. Over the last little while this little act has helped me in my day, I may not see that person again but it has been a positive/helpful interaction to strengthen that skill of making a connection.

True that might be a good way to try to see things and approach meetups with people. My main problem is sometimes I just don't know what to say to keep thing interesting with people and I feel like a bore.

Hi @Shirazchurch

Happy to see you

@Shirazchurch , it sounds like you think people see you as a 'bore'. I don't. I have your username written at the top of a page on my desk so I always think about your posts etc.

I don't know what the connection is, but I remember feeling 'connected' when I first met you. May have been your work, your posts, your challenges??? IDK

Thinking of you anyway 🙂

Hey @Shirazchurch I would imagine many might struggle with sometimes not knowing what to say, I know I do sometimes. I have in the past per-prepared some questions just so I feel I have something to use if needed. I also enjoy meeting people in setting where I am doing something (e.g. volunteering, a workshop, an experience/activity) so there is something else to focus on when there may be moments of less talking.

Thank you for helping everyone. I'm trying my best to reach out to other group and attend different meetups that might help. I wish I could do more but my job just keeps consuming all my time. But at least I do have some friends my greatest worry though is I worry if I somehow push them away from wanting to hang with them. Maybe they're just busy but I worry and my loneliness doesn't help much.

Hope you're okay @Shirazchurch . I hear it can get hard sometimes. Please know we are here for you.

Hello @Shirazchurch - hope you are well tonight. When I read your post I felt like you could be telling my story

I have focussed on my working and studying and neglected the more social side of life. I am trying to address that now, but as you say worry about making mistakes. Sorry I can't give you any helpful advice as I'm trying to work it out myself