Breakup

My ex and I broke up very recently and I’m so devastated and feel lonely.

We dated for 2 years, almost 3 years. We really connected over the topics we spoke about and never argued.

But because theres a quite of an age gap difference, he never really gave the normal affectionate behaviour as hes “already done it”. Such as planning for dates, gifting gifts and as far as not getting anything for anniversary and special occasions. Most he would do is just pay for the dinner but no gifts.

Because of the age gap, he was afraid of the consequences that people may do to him. So for 2 years, he made me lie about my relationship status to all my friends and family until I couldn’t handle holding it in anymore as he said if I did, he would break up with me. I know this is a red flag but this was my first proper relationship and I did not want to lose him. He barely did the bare minimum but he was utterly the most supportive and positive person I’ve ever met.

One week, he had finally let me tell my parents about us being together. Although my parents didnt like the idea of me dating an older guy, they didnt tell us to break up.

2 weeks later, he confesses that he likes another girl and wants to try non-monogamy. It tore my heart, as I have been doing everything to show my love and care but I tried to go along with non-monogamy.

The past 3 months were terrible. I felt unloved and unworthy just from the thought that he liked someone else. I would tell him every now and then but he wouldn’t break up with her. At one point I got suicidal and it gets bad enough that he called the police to do a welfare check. That happened just two weeks ago.

He urges me to go to the doctor or psychiatrist to get a mental health screening but I knew what could have solved this issue, leaving the girl behind. But I knew he wouldnt.

In the end, he couldn’t handle my mental health issues and broke up. I feel so lonely and a big part of me has been ripped away since he was always the person I could go to for help. I don’t really have friends so its a lot harder to deal with. Im not really sure what to do with my future, I just keep thinking I want to disappear.