Meaning is mean

I was thinking about "meaning" today and I have to say... I'm not okay with it. It's such a loose word that has such a confusing... well... "meaning"... It does my head in... It both irritates me to drive me to find more meaning, and it also cripples me with too much meaning. It's just plain... mean!.

Let's consider the word 'mean' in mathematical terms..... isn't it a 'meaning' of something that is "in the middle" or "average"... and yet when you apply that to our 'purpose'... that makes no sense at all... "hey you? what's the average thing that's in the middle that is driving you towards something?" It makes no sense.

Oh yeah (says my skeptical brain), we need to have meaning to be positive, pro-active, forward focused... visionary....

Well I call poo wee to that... who ever got to their "meaning" moment and went... I am satisfied!. Okay... I'm guessing I've opened the gate to comments of "yes I have!".... but answer me this... how long until the familiar "what next"... or "now what"?. It's like we as humans are perpetually stuck in dissatisfaction and unrest for eternity.

Okay, I know I can't stay here and be that grumpy old person who just sneers and pretty flowers or pushes positivity away... I'm just trying to be 'real'. Meaning making is hard. Actually... it's the easy stuff that makes meaning hard.

When someone said something that was 'mean' to you... what did you make it mean?... is that meaning making? How quickly we resort to that... how quickly we judge the motivations of others or the purpose of that 'guy' that just cut us off in the traffic? We are a jumble of negative and positive chemicals, bouncing around continually to fill space that we call "now" but how much of our life is spent thinking about the past of planning the future... why do we just stop and be "NOW". sit it the shitty feelings, be raw and real with each other, say "I'm not okay" when someone asks.

Now I get it... it's not nice to be double Mean... meanness doesn't need more "mean"... we don't have to let our grumpiness bring others down from their bliss. but don't you sometimes just want to feel down... want to feel like you can say how you 'really' feel, and have some REAL genuine listening soul who says "I get it... it's hard to get through life without direction and expectations, I see you"

So, for today... I have decided that meaning is mean!. who knows what I'll feel tomorrow... but for now that's enough!.