Things have been tough

Hi @Bluemouse24

I'm so sorry to hear what you've been going through. I just want to take a moment to recoginise the strength and bravery it would've taken to leave, but I hear that this is very much still an ongoing concern.

I'm glad to hear that you've had the support of Open Arms counsellors, are you still seeing them? Have you ever sought support from other services, like 1800RESPECT, or Full Stop?

Please know that the forums community is here for you.

I also just wanted to let you know that we've moved your post to it's own thread so that it can be more easily seen and engaged with by members, I hope that's okay.

Hi @Bluemouse24 and welcome

it really does sound like things have been tough and I’m sorry you have had to go through that. But also so strong to leave and to keep going. Big ‘high five’ to you.

And I’m sorry the police haven’t been able to help. With all the public conversations about family and domestic violence you would hope things might have changed. Many police stations have specialist FDV officers now - maybe they can give you some support/advice even if there isn’t enough to take action against him?

Sending you support

@Bluemouse24
Did you know there is a Sane forum for family members of veterans? It’s called Shoulder to Shoulder - Veteran Families. I know you are no longer with your veteran partner but there are others in the forum who have experienced what you have and the space is for everyone who is, or has been, part of a veteran family

Hi @Bluemouse24

I so sorry you are going through the ongoing trauma of dealing with an abusive ex.

I know, from experience, what it's like to not feel free or safe, even after seperation or divorce.

I totally understand you're frustration with the system and his being "allowed" to continue his behaviour without consequence, it's unfair for the victim and keeps you trapped in the dynamics of the toxic relationship.

There's a huge imbalance of power and control that can leave you feeling helpless.

BUT, I want to acknowledge that you are turning your life around, you managed to leave safely and are starting to rebuild your own life. Well done!

This is incredibly difficult to do and does not always end with the act of leaving. The emotional, and somethimes physical and financial recovery is long and hard, but totally worth it, and I'm proud of you for choosing to give yourself the chance at a new life.

My ex was a veteran. He rationalised his behaviours on PTSD, even with several arrests and DFV charges. I feel enormous compassion for veterans and anyone with mental health issues. However, violence and threats against another person is not acceptable.

When police mentioned reporting a child at risk living in domestic violence, my youngest, I found the strength to build an escape plan, supported by Open Arms. My children and I lived safely for 5 years, until he commited what is known as "post seperation financial abuse" resulting in a two year court case, which finally settled earlier this year. So, 7 years after leaving, we are safe, free and rebuilding our lives. It was all worth it, for the peace, love and kindness we now have in our household everday.

I wish the same peace, love and kindness in your life, stay strong.

kindly alisse

Thank you, Alisse, for your kind words. I'm so sorry that you had to do through all that. I was lucky as my children were adults (in their 30s) however they have been left with trauma. I could not have left without the support of Open Arms. I cannot thank them enough for what they did to support me. I am learning that I can be happy and free and most of the time I am - it's just that sometimes the ex throws you a curve ball and you have to deal with it.

Take Care

Hello Ru-Bee

I'm not currently seeing anyone from Open Arms as I felt that I was handling things okay. I did contact 1800Respect when ex-husband stalked me to find out where I was living and then proceeded to try and kick the front door in. But I didn't find them very helpful as I did need to go to the police. I rang Open Arms and that point and explained the situation, and they were very helpful and supportive.

What I loved about Open Arms was my counsellor understood the veteran's mindset so i didn't have to explain. Everything she said would happen did.

Thank you for your support.

Hello Magpie 22

I will look for the forum, sometimes I feel like am alone in this and just need to talk. I will connect to the forum. Thank you for your support.

Hi @Bluemouse24

Hope you are doing well.

That is the wonderful thing about Open Arms, you can connect with someone who understands the complex nature of dealing with a veteran and is able to support and validate you without you having to endlessly try and explain veteran issues. It's a vital service, in my experience, and I'm glad you have been able to get the support you need through them.

kindly alisse