How to cope when partner is severely depressed.

@1D How very hard this must be for you. No easy answers either. Though as someone who has survived a depressive illness for most of His life at 65, and having a wife that helped love me though these times, i do understand a little how to deal with yourself caring for someone with a mental issue and with the person having a mental issue.

Please understand that when you are attacked by bad life like this, the first thing to try and do is to stop the 'flow' of bad life, by resisting it taking over your reality. You can do this by liberally handing out kindness, love, grace and forgiveness to yourself having to deal with this massive emotional overload. And then, secondly, also do this to your husband stuck down there. It is impossible to help him if bad life gets hold of you too. So please try and keep it out, refusing it furter entrance into your life and showing it the door.

Love is the force that can get you through this. Actively loving those without love will revive them, protect from bad life attacking, and provide hope during his darkest hours.

Unfortunately your partner's journey has him go through this valley before he can leave it behind, and you are with him. So holding onto the love between the two, even if it seems out of reach, is how to get through stronger than you went in. Also please make sure you get plenty yourself, by surrounding yourself with loving supports if at all possible, and keep loving that bad life out of the house replacing it with good life.

Be of good courage. Love wins any and every battle. My wife's love is one of the main reasons i'm alive today! Surviving a depressive illness reaping Good Life instead of the crappy pit down there at 65 years of age.🤗

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fGkPHN-Rbo&t=92s

@DownMoreThanUp This was very beautiful to read, and so wonderfully written. Thank you. I needed this right now. I’m proud of you and your wife and your strength to not overcome to the darkness. I wish you well and thank you once again for your kind words. This gives me hope. Love conquers all. ❤️

@1D Great i could be helpful. You are in a difficult situation.

Do you have good support system in place? If not, do you know how to get a good support system in place? It is REALLY important that you can vent when you need to, as well as get time off's, if at all possible. A weekend away with good friends would be ideal here, so you can recharge your batteries.

Of course support for your husband is essential too. i was often very angry, so this kept many willing to help people away from me. Does your husband keep supportive people at bay? For me the greatest support was seeing m,y wife struggle but still love me more than i could love myself. My wife showed me, struggling with loveless depression don deep, how NOT to let go of love or goodwill, but await the time the worst cycles away before taking hold of good life again. To never again let it slip away.

For me the real issue was i hated myself, for my stuff-up, and the pain i had in the past, and was causing every day, not functioning as i should, and above all where i had failed my own expectations of myself. Does your husband suffer from those issues? Good, mindful based counselling, can real help your husband if he does have such problems.

Also, and this is truly a big issue getting love to win your battles, is please try not to suppress non loving/bad feelings in yourself or in your husband because you know this is not the right way to feel.

Rather open up about such feelings, like guilt, shame, anger, anxiety, hopelessness. despair, irritability, frustrations, worry, revengefulness or self-pity, and let the truth of love decide how to best love such realities to death in you. These were the real problems both my wife and i faced, and at times still face, to be kind to ourselves when we see we do it wrong, not agreeing with wrong, but loving ourselves away from feeling that way being mindful about it.

Wishing you much love to add to your love.

(i will be honest with you not knowing how you feel about such things, but for my wife and me, it was Love with a Capital where we got the love from we needed to survive our ordeal.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIaT8Jl2zpI&list=RDsIaT8Jl2zpI&start_radio=1)

@DownMoreThanUp Thank fully I have very supportive family and friends. I also have dance classes 4 times a week so this has been a good outlet for me.

my mothers birthday is next week and we are going away for a few days so that has come at a fantastic time. Lots of hugs from mum will do be great.

my partners support is hit and miss, he has supportive friends and some supportive family but he doesnt always tap into those recourses. He fishes to clear his head so that is a healthy outdoor coping mechanism.

He definitely battles with what you mentioned and is just super self critical. I’m hoping the therapy sessions start soon and he can get on track - he wants to change just is afraid of the unknown. I will keep loving and supporting him through this

Hi @1D I stumbled across your post as I go through a similar situation with my partner. Firstly I wanted to acknowledge you being here and reaching out to us all on these forums for support. Secondly, I would like to share how sorry I am to hear of your partner's mental health concerns and struggles, and also the impact this is having for you and your relationship.

You ask a good question in how to cope in these moments of darkness, what have you found does help (even a little)? I think what you are describing is completely understandable, it doesn't sound selfish for feeling lonely or sad. I think it is useful to acknowledge how we can get pulled in to the depression as well, how it can take a toll, and how part of you is feeling like you are mourning. I sometimes find I try and dismiss my own emotions and thoughts, and now try to give them a little space to notice and acknowledge them.

Today on my list of how to cope is remembering to eat and rest as my fight or flight response is in overdrive, check-in here was another thing on my list, a few chores to keep me moving my body a little, taking the day off work, reading my book, and walking the dog later.