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Something’s not right

Thoughts of childhood

Thoughts of childhood

Recently diagnosed with ADHD and not yet medicated. I wonder if it's an accurate diagnosis. I find myself looking back to my childhood to see if there were ADHD symptoms then... and maybe there was inattention. The hard part is I keep thinking of strange things I did as a kid. I remember being on the roof of a family friends house (it was something we did) ... a group of kids were walking up the road and saw me, one girl from my school waved and said something but I couldn't engage with them... I hid, and stayed hidden, even when she spoke to the boy that lived at the house. It's hard to notice this sense of shame and low self esteem that I seem to have carried my whole 40 plus years. I have childhood trauma and have always been fairly melancholic and wonder if I have CPTSD.

10 replies

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In response to: Thoughts of childhood

Re: Thoughts of childhood

hey @Sabby!

coming to terms with a new diagnosis, and processing it all sounds like it would bring up a mix of emotions. when i was diagnosed with anxiety, it wasn't a surprise to me as i had suspected it for years. but after the diagnosis, i kept thinking back to my childhood and finding different moments where i was obviously struggling with my mental health but no one had picked up on it or supported me - which really hit me hard. it does suck knowing that things could've been different if we'd known earlier, but i am glad you have some answers now. i reckon finding out later is better than never. please do be gentle with yourself, shame is a heavy feeling to carry and you deserve to be able to talk it through. 💙

are you currently seeing a psychologist that you can perhaps discuss the potential cPTSD with?

In response to: Re: Thoughts of childhood

Re: Thoughts of childhood

Only psychiatrist for the adhd.

In response to: Re: Thoughts of childhood

Re: Thoughts of childhood

would you feel comfy with bringing up the cPTSD topic with your psychiatrist? perhaps they might be able to help or even refer you to someone else to chat more about it with?

i have heard that symptoms of cPTSD and ADHD do overlap! @Sabby

In response to: Re: Thoughts of childhood

Re: Thoughts of childhood

@rav3n

I feel like I tick more boxes for Ptsd then I do for adhd.

Not sure I would engage much in talk therapy... its just not my style... and probably some of the shame stuff coming through.

In response to: Re: Thoughts of childhood

Re: Thoughts of childhood

@Sabby misdiagnoses do happen so it's possible! you can always get a second opinion through another psych?

that's fair. the first time i did talk therapy, i felt really uncomfortable and just wanting to go home. but after a few sessions it got easier to talk, and the clinician seemed to understand me quite well. i know that talk therapy isn't for everyone, and that's okay too!

also i'm wondering, are you hoping to get a cPTSD diagnosis instead of ADHD so you can be prescribed meds relevant to a cPTSD diagnosis? or are there other reasons too? i know different people want diagnoses for different reasons so i'm curious to know yours, if you're comfy sharing 😊

In response to: Re: Thoughts of childhood

Re: Thoughts of childhood

@rav3n

I've tried anti depressants and didn't find they made much difference.

Both my kids have adhd and I did try adhd meds a few times and found it helpful but I know that's not a sign of absolutely having adhd.

I don't really know too much of the reason why other than my head drives me crazy sometimes, other times I am not able to anything other than lay around on the lounge, and procrastination and distraction is a big problem that gets in the way of work.

In response to: Re: Thoughts of childhood

Re: Thoughts of childhood

I wish there was more walk and talk therapy. Somehow keeping the body moving influences how I may feel and think and speak.

cptsd should not mean a medication will cure it. Diagnostic categories honestly mean more than just finding the right med. meds are only an aid.

I have cPTSD apparently. Now that the concept has been dreamed up.

take care @Sabby life is challenging, especially when there is complexity and parenting. I wasn’t mad about talk therap, but have done a bit.

🍎

In response to: Re: Thoughts of childhood

Re: Thoughts of childhood

walk and talk therapy would be nice! @Appleblossom that makes sense, our emotions are often stored in our body and there has been links between autoimmune disorders/poor immunity and trauma. have you done somatic therapy before?

@Sabby hmm interesting! now that i think about it, ADHD involves dysregulation of the dopamine system and even with certain traumatic experiences (especially due to childhood trauma), a dysregulation of dopamine can also occur. so i guess there's similarities there too - but ofc i'm no doc and a psychiatrist would be the best person to learn more about this from.

In response to: Re: Thoughts of childhood

Re: Thoughts of childhood

Yes, I have done various forms of body based therapies all the way through my life @rav3n from a few years of primal therapy when I was actually at university in the 1980s. One of the therapist noted that I was doing a broad range from intellectual to regression to babyhood and feeling states. I have maintained some physical activity all the way through my life, swimming, walking or now I have a physio. I am pretty sure it saved my life and sanity. Somatic therapy tended to be expensive and I was operating on a shoe string, so I would do a few sessions and then try and do my own research and continue my practice. I have done bits of bioenergetics, feldenkrais, Alexander technique, and Pilates. Maybe I just took after my dad more, in his sporty side, not the schizophrenia side. What does schizophrenia really mean anyway. What is normalising and pathologising?

I find the concept of structural dissociation in the trauma literature relevant. Gradually working through one’s own feelings and internal parts. I think physical movement is better than medication, as it enables gradual integration, though I recognise that meds are necessary sometimes.

@Sabby take care of you.

In response to: Re: Thoughts of childhood

Re: Thoughts of childhood

i definitely agree there's a power in movement! @Appleblossom oo i have not heard of "bioenergetics, feldenkrais, Alexander technique" before but i will look into it, thank you for sharing! were there any particular forms of movement/sport that you felt was most healing for you?

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