Understanding

@Rhymster

I understand what it is like to not like yourself. In fact for many years I would say that I fully hated myself. I am doing a lot better with self compassion these days. I still wouldn't say I love myself but it's not that often that I say I hate myself or I hate my life now. It does still come up from time to time but usually due to outside forces.

@balance37 surprised to hear that Mate

@Oaktree don't listen to others Mate only you know you

@balance37 actually family treated me like dirt everyone else I was golden that conflict made me ignore others opinions as only I know Me

Hey I was having a similar thought to this today. My thought was: people are always telling me to work on myself, work on becoming the happiest and best version of myself and then I will attract the right people and form relationships. However it seems to me like just about everybody these days is in a relationship whether they’re happy, unhappy, rich, poor, struggling or not. I hear people all the time talking about “oh my partner who is ADHD or autistic or something”. Sometimes I feel like why does it seem like everyone else can find companionship regardless of their situation, however for me - it’s always self improvement first. I get the point, you have to be happy within yourself before you can love someone else properly but…. Do you? Everyone else seems to get what they want regardless what stage of their journey they are in. I know not everyone is happy but. I’ve always just been so lonely and I’m sick and tired of the narrative that I have to become a better version of myself to be worthy of love because. This is who I am and who I’ve been for over a decade now. There has to be someone out there who will love me for all of it, at my best and worst.

I hear you @MendMyMind in that I find that idea that to love others you need to be completely at peace with yourself. Maybe it might make it easier, or it might open up a different kind of love, but I think we're all capable of giving love and deserving of receiving it, no matter what stage we're at in our relationship with ourselves.

@Rhymster i dont think its about changing who you are or the version you have accepted, its so you you are able to believe whoever you want to be does not forget they are worth something at all times to not forget that they are not what people or society may label them as by judgement and or ignorance.

i accepted adults cant be trusted by kids and listen to adult lies before a kids truth by age 10.

i accepted i was uncontrollable by 13.

i accepted i was trouble and never be anything good and deserved no one and lived my adult life as it was.

2 years ago in my fifties reacted to a trauma different than others & been diagnosed ptsd (cptsd but its not yet in a book) and anxiety mood disorder & dysregulation.

ongoing psychiatric help and psychology had self compassion bought up often around recovery/healing .

Rejected instantly just at the concept of what it sounded like to me.

In a DBT course i saw it wasnt about being vain or anything soppy and actually part of life already.

self hygene, eating when hungry & sleeping when tired are forms of it.

Put my defences down enough to explore it in my own time at my own pace and then make my decision from a better understanding of it.

It honestly helps, well it has and continues to help me accept me good & bad

Any parts of me that align with negative opinions are ok.

i dont have to fight back, prove anything.or wish it was different.

important thing is i can stop rumenating by using acceptance of myself without the judgement of others influence.

Being kinder to me i saw my value of self was a lot different to what i accepted at an age before my morals, ethics or values were established.

Power to you, it s a strength to accept our selves and protect being hurt .

it had been restrictive and defining for years of my life.

For me allowing self compassion helps silent a lot of noise and only change needed of me was a slightly broader mind to its concept.

Not trying shove it down your throat, if not well recieved i apologise, im just another bloke not a clinician or expert in any field.

hope your doing ok.