LostAngelSenior Contributor
waves of depressed mood
Hi Friends just a follow on from recent events sorry the same subjuct is brought up over and over again ,Currently dealing with waves of depression since the relationship loss ,its like pangs of depression you know that feeling where your sighing alot and just blue ,that feeking that shows up in waves of lows ,but then your back up then down again vack and forth up and down for periods of time in each day ,I am safe but ill share the thoughts Ive been having 1, I feel like a disfunctional adult like I dont function well in social ways ,2,I cant stand peoples critizism of me currently the little harring cristissm cause it reminds me of how he was in a way of being critical ,3 I feel ancious about life goals and feel like a kind of failure cause of being or feeling stuck with the stage of life im in now , 4,feeling mentally older than my actual age of say feeling alot older than my current age but in the mental sense , Feeling down is one thing but feeling down because of and without relayionship doesnt help in any shape or form , I feel like he wouldnt take me at my worst though as if to him I wasnt enough ironically now Im feeling like I am not enough,self doubt but mainly depressed ,its like theres something wrong with me and maybe men wont accept me unless Ive got all my life together ,job,car,house abd yet there the ones who always seem to have these high expectations and they cant seem to accept me in my messy life as if they want a put together woman who doenst apperntly complain at them well Imsorry I complain so much to people but cant people be loved while there a mess is love really dependant on how pit together someone is just cause of society preasuse,meanwhile Im increasingly anxcious anxcious theat I wont find someone else anxcious about running out of time to be married and have kids,but its kind of compounded by this having to be alone again having to feel depressed having to just deal with feelings without being able to talk to someone daily to share things with ,Ive noticed hes chnged hes social media profile wording and it seems to give me the conclustion that he thought I was a woman of excuses but how can someone say they love you and yet be so critical while saying that they somehow respect you ,just going through it still ,deprssing phase it seems I hope the nest stage is acceptance so that I can fully move on ,also I feel like if I finally did get my life together and if I tried reaching out to him to say look my lifes put together now am I acceptable now , hed be like no cause you where a mess when I met you and you dont change ,anyway side note ,I have no intrest in really properly dating anyone even though I have some random ones saying on the dating sights if Im purposely ignoring them,when I just generally Ive lost intrest in relationships but I go between that and being anxcious that I dont have a relationship ,maybe growing pains i dont know ,also my family seems to think Im ignoring there phone calls when Im not trying to on purpose just going through it and dont feel much like talking to people in general so answering phones is not something Im prioritising at the minute but then of course that means I then hear crital words from family now about why I dont answer the phone
