Domestic / family violence. Unhelpful thoughts

Hello @TA84

A warm welcome and thanks for sharing your experiences with the community! 🌟

Sounds like there were a lot of struggles and hardships in your relationship and you made the choice that put your sons wellbeing first, which is so important. It’s also valid to remember some of the good times of a relationship in amongst everything else, and to still have compassion for someone that you were in a relationship with. Holding the two conflicting things of the reality of what the relationship was like and the compassion for them afterwards can be difficult to process though and its also valid if that brings up other feelings for you like anger or confusion (or anything else you might feel)! Hopefully you and your sons have some supports around you that can help you work through how these things make you feel so that when/if the thoughts or the feelings pop up again, they don’t have the weight or impact they have had, or that they leave as easily as they arrive.

It takes courage to share your experiences with the community, and you are being really brave reaching out to your peers.   

I'm sure that the community will have some insights to share with you soon!

Take care 🌱

@TA84 that sounds like a difficult situation and I'm glad you are your sons are safe now.

I found when I left my abusive ex that it was helpful to research trauma bonding. That may help you understand how you are feeling better.

It can be important to process thoughts before you can put a stop to them. Exercise, singing, journalling, meditation and video games are all things that can help with dealing with painful thoughts. You can check a local library for free video game hiring options.

Thank you @Ruby26 I think that i may be experiencing a trauma bond, even now after I've left.

I suppose it will take some time to work through that.

I appreciate your suggestions and will give them a go.

Thanks again!!

You're welcome, trauma bonds do take a long time to work through. It is normal to still feel them for a lengthy period after leaving the relationship. The best thing is to limit contact with your ex (only have contact if you need to for legal issues and if he has shared custody/visitation with your sons) and work on getting through one day at a time. Things will be much easier in the long term. You've already done and hardest and bravest bits of the process, so you can keep on going until you have fully healed. It will be hard at times, but you have got this.