Fancy a cuppa , Connect now 2

Hey @Blackcloud , firstly - friendly safe hugs (only if you want them). I can absolutely see why feeling upset or other emotions after this has happened. And I can only imagine how hard it is to do the shifts in the first place (i remember the lead up to I think it was your second shift, and the anxiety), and even more so when someone is rude and ungrateful on the call/chat, let alone when they are directly criticising your attempts to help them. *big safe hug* i have seen your heart on the forum, and I am super confident in my saying that your desire was to help and in good faith.

I can understand why the service (as a crisis line) has a policy of not hanging up / ending abruptly and going through the warning stages. I get that from a crisis-risk/escalation perspective.

I do wonder though is there is some middle-ground that maybe they could work in to help support you better if you do feel yourself triggred and into flight or fight mode.

E.g. transferring the chat to another person / supervisor. That way the caller is still supported in their crisis, but you are also safe and able to go through your steps to process and calm yourself to safety too. 🤔 (sorry, i can be a bit of a problem-solver and not sure if this is helpful or not here?? Ignore if not!! Coming from a place of wanting the best outcome for both sides)

I wonder whether ypu feel safe to have a debrief with that (or a different) engagement officier around how their meeting with you went, and the words that were said (or how they were said) that were trigfering for you - with a focus on how it could be better framed/exprrssed to you/others on the future?

I am hoping that somewhere in the chat they also spoke about how they can keep working with you to practice (roleplay?) situations where a caller might be rude or innappropriate to give you practice (in a safe environment!) with how to respond in ways that boths keeps you safe and within their safety protocols too. 🤔 thats what i'd be asking for if it were me i guess, some practice with pretend-calls where someone is being deliberately provocing (maybe even in a funny way initiially to lighten the tone whilst starting out??) to practice how to do those escalation warning and/or pass the chat to another member.

I know many people who hate roleplay scenarios 😅. I do them sometimes with my volunteer work. It definitely helps if you know the other person to feel safe in practixing i reckon. When i do it with the youth, sometimes I'll use a funny voice or a really silly scenario to help reduce the anxiety 🥰.

Oh, i forgot to speak to the bit about the rude caller i was going to say @Blackcloud . Haha oops second essay oncoming lol.

You prob already know this *intellectually*, but i wonder if it is felt as true emotionally? ...

That caller who was annoyed that you said you're sorry... do you reckon they were really annoyed with you? Or just that they were emotionally riled up and angry about the situation and *taking it out* on you? 🤔

I'd bet my weeks wages that it was much more them taking it out on you!

And I'm definitely not excusing their behaviour, but I can also understand that people who are in an emotional state say and do things they know they shouldnt, that are unfair, and are unreasonable. ...and sometimes they may not even realise at the time. Or if they do realise, they may also feel worse about it and deflect that feeling with *even more* anger (enter snowball effect!).

I guess what I'm saying is --- its not a reflection on your ability as a supporter. Expressing sorry for their situation/experience is not "wrong" and not something to not to again. You can't know in advance how someone will feel/think/respond to an empathetic statement.

But i can imagine that irrational and angry people are a not-uncommon subtype of caller ☹️ and I really hope that (if you want to continue with the work) they will support you to master your skills in how to handle people who are rude, disrespectful and unpleasant. (Its actually a really useful skill for life -- at work, family and pubic i reckon!)

The callers anger was likely not actually because of you. *hugs*

I really very much appreciate your well thought out and lengthy responses my friend, thank you so much. ❤️ I’ll respond back to them when I have time, just wanna let you know that I’ve read them all and will respond to them back soon. Unfortunately the support button isn’t working for me hehe so I’m sending a reply right now 🙂 @AlwaysMyself

even though today is 34 degrees here in Melbourne, but I really like how it’s windy at the same time during this type of weather ☺️

@Mustang67 @Chasingsunsets @AlwaysMyself @MissGremlin @Cuddlebear @heartathome

@Blackcloud How are you lovely? I’m just trying to catch up on some posts.

Im sorry you had a rude person via the web chat despite your intentions being very good. I know you’ve got a good heart and have seen that many times here on the forums.

I am proud of you for speaking with the supervisor. I can understand feeling triggered and I’m really sorry it happened. Yes the organisation has protocols but also perhaps some more training/support to help volunteers manage rude people?

How do you feel today about what happened? Crisis lines are very challenging and it shows what a decent human you are volunteering your time.

@Cuddlebear thank you my friend, yeah it happened over the weekend so 4 days later now, I'm feeling okay, but not really sure how I really feel about continuing to do the role, especially for this week and next week...one thing I'm more worried about I guess when it comes to doing roles we're you're required to talk to customers/clients in any type of setting is trying your hardest to come up with 'better' answers to respond with lol...but of course, another one would also be that even if I do use my 'empathetic' way of approaching in helping people, that there are some people like that help seeker who would be direct with me about it by saying "your being sorry isn't helping right now" and etc. etc.

yeah, I think dealing with the company's protocol in crisis support settings really are indeed challenging to follow especially when supervisors have to follow that sort of thing as well and they have to warn you about it, I know it's pretty much the nature of it all which I guess for me I find unfortunate.

@AlwaysMyselfthank you so much for your lovely kind words, to know that i have a heart on the forum makes me feel more appreciated to be on here ❤️ yes, helping others through their tough times even when i don’t necessarily have the ‘perfect’ words to say has been my nature for a while 🙂

with regards to transferring the chat to another person or supervisor, unfortunately we don’t have this kind of thing in that service, so you’re very much expected to still talk to the help seeker and finish the interaction where absolutely necessary 🥲 i get what you’re saying though, and i can see why that would be helpful, but yeah unfortunately we don’t have that kind of thing there 😕

About the caller who was annoyed about me saying sorry, hmmm that’s kind of hard to answer to be honest haha…it’s hard to tell whether they were actually annoyed with me or something else, but basically he (it’s actually a male help seeker so I’ll use ‘he’) was just going through such a really tough time this year..one of his parents passing away and the other one going through a serious permanent health issue, so I can imagine how immensely overwhelming and stressful all of that has been for him. I guess because in the moment I couldn’t really find the ‘perfect’ words to tell him in the moment other than trying my best to reflect on his feelings and saying sorry, he just got triggered by the moment he saw I was giving him sympathy.. (technically, we're actually not allowed to provide sympathy but then you know...some supervisors I know of don't mind if I use sympathy cause I'm pretty sure there's other crisis supporters that also do the same thing? maybe its just a few of us including myself that do do that.)

Oh for sure! I guess for myself it’s just a matter of even if I was to get assistance in developing some skills in how to handle people being rude, honest/direct like that, that I don’t think I’d still be able to follow that advice (because ending the chat in my nature is part of my natural response to that kind of thing)? But I was given with what’s called the ‘unwelcome interaction action plan’ by the volunteer engagement supervisor that I spoke to the other day. From now on, I’m gonna see how I’m gonna go with continuing this kind of role the next time I decide to come on shift again…maybe in the next fortnight or even more than that…

Good evening @AlwaysMyself @Shaz51 @rav3n @Blackcloud @Cuddlebear @ENKELI @Chasingsunsets @DogMan79 @Jynx @tyme @AuntGlow @Ru-bee @Faith-and-Hope @heartathome @LostAngel and all forumites here tonight. Happy Thursday!

@DogMan79 Thanks very much for sharing your beach photos. They are beautiful! Even though I don’t live anywhere near the beach, I love watching the waves, especially when it’s stormy or raining. I find the waves to be moody and emotional and I love how they come up, peak and then slowly crash out against the sand or rocks and fade away- kind of like emotions and moods and events in life. I also love when it’s rough at sea and I’m on a cruise ship - done 2 cruises in the past 2 years from Sydney to Cairns- as the ship is moving side to side and the cruise staff have to shut off the pool as you could literally surf in it. I don’t get seasick but I love watching the waves as the ship moves through them. On my last cruise in June/July, I took a few videos on my phone from my balcony of the rough weather and a video of the pool where I got drenched despite being 2 metres away from it- luckily, no damage to my phone!

@AlwaysMyself @Chasingsunsets @ENKELI and others interested in my current life situation, things have changed and not in a nice way with my housemate in my carer role. Yesterday, they received a call from NDIS and it wasn’t good at all. They’ve now gone from self managed to agency managed for all their funding at a sudden plan review and my housemate has spiraled mood wise downwards towards them and all people she’ll have involvement with, such as myself. She’s become verbally abusive and has made undesirable comments towards myself and others to the point where today, I’ve had to consider leaving for a few days to escape her behaviours. Her behaviour is erratic, abusive and downright scary, with comments of cutting off the electricity today despite it being a 30 degree day and her trying to hide the air conditioner remote control to try and make my life uncomfortable- didn’t happen but apparently the power will be cut off soon as the bill is in her name and apparently she can’t afford to pay it. I had to cancel visiting the storage facility today because of her behaviour but I spoke to my carer peer worker on the phone and he made the suggestion of getting away for a few days and the carer organisation possibly reimbursing me for the accommodation. I’m lucky in that there is accommodation in the town where the storage facility is and where the carer office is located - about an hour away from where I live. I’m just torn about what to do. My housemate doesn’t want to move to student accommodation anymore or do uni because she believes there’s no/limited agency managed services available to her - she’s heavily reliant on the transport allowance that ndis paid her but now will no longer get into her account as they believe she’s been mismanaging the funds. I’m the bad person because I apparently made her apply to uni and it’s now unsuitable due to the location and the fact that she put the wrong nursing course down and got accepted, despite it being her choice and her decision as to what to apply for- she wanted straight nursing but put down nursing/midwifery and got accepted instead. I had no control over what course she put in for and I wasn’t aware of what course she was applying for except for being told she wanted to study nursing. All of a sudden, everything is bad and she’s blaming me for it because I live with her. I’m debating on whether to get a smaller storage unit when I look at it tomorrow and only store my things but I’m scared that she’ll turn around and all of a sudden, want to store her stuff and she’ll struggle to get anywhere. This also goes for the removalists which I have to organise tomorrow afternoon and if I just get them to take my things to storage only as I’ll be paying for this since she hasn’t got any money. She also wants to try and stay at our current house for another few weeks into January instead of moving out and wants the lawyers to ask for this next Thursday at the vcat hearing yet I’m still to pay rent despite not wanting this to occur which I can’t afford anyhow- I want to be out by the 20th at the latest and not into January as I’m over this place!

My main concerns concerns/ worries are:

- Do I take up the accommodation option tomorrow and leave for a few days so I can have a break and try to de stress and relax away from my housemate and her issues/ behaviours? If I do this, I’m scared of what I’ll come back to the at the house. I’d also be ignoring her phone calls/text messages - her way of communicating when she’s angry/upset with endless amounts occurring to the point I put my phone on silent to avoid her which she doesn’t like and I also respond to her to stop communicating with me which she ignores and makes unsuitable comments to make things worse. I’m so undecided in what to do despite knowing it would be the best and safer option for me in this present situation. I’m thinking of taking my suitcase with me when I visit the storage unit and visit the carer organisation office to check in with them tomorrow filled with enough clothes and things to to do should I choose this option. Luckily, I have the finances to do this or else I’d be in trouble.
- Do I take the larger storage unit tomorrow and pay for a month knowing that it might be too large for my things just in case she changes her mind and wants to use it with her things? I could always downsize it at a later date if it’s only my things in the storage unit. Again, I’m confused right now.

Tonight, I’m going to work on some more knitting and listen to some music if I can’t sleep - very stressful right now and very anxious as well. I really hate being a carer right now and I know my mental and physical health are starting to be impacted by her behaviour. I just wish someone could tell me what to do- kind of like being a kid again and the parents made all the decisions. I’m also missing my mum who died 23 years ago as I wish I could talk to her but I can’t for obvious reasons. I know I’m strong and brave and I’ve made it this far which is a massive achievement without calling for mental health services for myself but I’m scared of what will happen to me if I let this situation continue. Life is hard at times, but I know I’ll get through this with lots of lessons learnt from this experience and that life will get easier.

Thanks for reading this. Thank you for all the support and kind words.

Take care and stay safe.

Judi9877

@Judi9877 hey Judi, you're so strong and brave. Take care.

That's a tricky situation @Judi9877 It sounds complicated and I don't know much about the NDIS, even though my son gets support. I have no suggestions unfortunately but wanted you to know that I support you and am walking with you. How long has she been your carer for? I don't understand why she is living with you. Is she a friend? Are you getting 24/ 7 care?

The cruise sounds wild. I went on a two-week cruise back in 1977 to the Fijian islands and I was as sick as a dog at the beginning. We hit the tail end of a cyclone, and it was scary. A ship is very small compared to the ocean! I did love it though. 💛

I'm sorry things are so hard @Judi9877 - I'm glad that you're staying connected and have a safe space to decompress here. I can't tell you what the right pathway forward is, but sometimes it helps me to reflect on what the 'path of least resistance' might be - and that includes taking my anxiety into account. Sometimes I will elect to do the 'harder' thing because it means I'll be less anxious.

I hope you find your own pathway that is going to be best for your current needs 🤞💜