End of a wedding

Hey @Rossana, thanks for sharing your experiences with the community!

Sounds tough and a real breach of trust from your husband. I think anyone in your situation would be feeling overwhelmed at the thought of going back home and starting over again. I have had several breakups over the years so I can relate to the thoughts and emotions you are probably experiencing.

I do encourage you to continue to reach out to your peers here on the Forums and I believe they will have some insights to share with you too!

Take care

RiverSeal

Thank you... I can't believe on what's happening...

Hi @Rossana

im so sorry that this is something that you have discovered in your husband. I think it’s often difficult to know what to say in times like this but wanted to let you know that you’re not alone and that I completely understand your pain.
it was just after our 2nd wedding anniversary that i discovered that my now ex husband was having multiple homosexual affairs. I can relate to the absolute devastation of betrayal. The shattered trust. Questioning who did I marry??? I felt physically sick after seeing what I did.

I know you said you have no family or friends here, but I’d really encourage you to find someone you can confide in. You need to look after you.
I know after the initial discovery is probably the last thing you want to think about, but do you think it’s something you can both work through? Completely understand if it’s a straight no. When I first discovered what my ex was doing, I spoke with a couple of friends, sort some counsel. My daughter and I then went and spent a week with friends interstate just to get some distance, some time to collect my thoughts and decide what I needed to do. We are both Christian’s, (this is why it hit even harder as it goes against all we believed and really who was this man??) and I decided to give him 6mths. Time to sort his self out and prove that I could perhaps start trusting him again. But unfortunately he didn’t wanna change. So I left.

do you have children?

must feel very daunting and overwhelming thinking about upping and moving back home. Starting again. If that is what you do decide to do don’t forget to look after yourself financially and seek some legal advice in regards to your combined assets.

wishing you the best

That must be quite a shock @Rossana . I can understand it being very distressing, feeling lost, confused and scared for the future.

If you were able to get Australian residency/citizenship, would you prefer to stay here?

Do you have family and friends back in Italy?

One day at a time. One step at a time.

It may not be an easy path, but life will resettle with a sense of normaly at some stage. Hang in there!

Would you like me to tag you in some of the social chat posts, to get to know others on the forum?

I find it can help to get to know people and feel a bit less alone and a bit more sense of friendship and community here.

Thank you, I've a citizenship .

I have family and friends in Italy, here almost no one.

thank you, I'm in pieces all our dreams and projects it all went up in smoke. We don't have children luckily, and from what I discoverer it seems he us in love with this person so I don't think he would stop the relationship for me.

I suppose citizenship gives you the option of staying if you wanted to at least.

I know for me that in times of uncertainty having a least some control or choices (no matter how small) can feel at least a tiny bit safer. E.g. the choice between Aus or Italy, even if you know you certainly want to move back to Italy - that is something you have the choice and control over. 😊🥰

Is there anything in life you have been wanting to do but not yet done? (A hobby? A place to visit?)

Sometimes it can feel free-er to do things in a new chapter of life, without the pressure of the other person's expectations or restrictions.

It may not feel this way currently, but just planting a seed of possibility for the future. 🌱

How are you feeling this evening?

It does hurt to see that someone no longer values and loves the same way that they used to. ☹️😭

Sitting with you in that pain. Holding your hand, or offering a hug (virtually).

OMG! Rossana, that's horrible. What a B... - are we allowed to use that word on here? Whatever the case, he most definitely is.

I am so sorry for you, that such a terrible event should befall you. To give up so much for a man you loved only to be betrayed like this. You've lost so much.

Do you have time to consider making the decision to move back? It might be good to give yourself a month or two before you act if you can.

As for starting from scratch, reading your post it seems to me that you are a very capable woman. You remind me of one of my students from Italy, never seen a more determined or hard working person than her.

It will be tough of course. I am trying to rebuild my life at the age of 64, and when you don't have the energy of your youth it is even harder. Nonetheless I'm trying my best even though at times I just don't feel like doing it.

Even though I do not know you, Rossana, I believe in you. Crazy right? I know, that's me - I wonder if we can use that word on here? But when I read your words they speak to me of strength, of a determination not to let him or this situation destroy you because you're better than that.

Right now you may be in the hurricane, being blown all over the place. If its battering you right now, in time that will cause it to loose its strength, the winds will die down, the rain will pass, and you will overcome.

Be good to yourself. Take the time to heal. Seek others to help share this heavy load. There will be many people on here who will be there for you.

Arrivederci a dopo,

Caving Dreamer

I discovered that my husband of 15 years has a relationship with a transwoman from Philippines. I'm originally from Italy, I had a job and a nice home and 15 years ago I fell in love with him in my holiday in Oz... I left my work and my home and build everything here, I have a well paid job, paid a house in the city...now I'm devastated, I don't have friends and family here, I will need to return to Italy and start back from scratch at 43 yrs... I don't know what to do.

@CavingDreamer i dont think ive met you yet! 😊 I love your post. Love the advice about taking time and no rush on decisions, as well as the encouragement and the wisdom of the raging storms/hurricane will lesson with time. 🥰