AccadiaCasual Contributor
Lost
This will be something of a ramble but nonetheless perhaps writing it all will give some sense of relief..
For roughly 15yrs I struggled with addiction, primarily heroin, and pain medications.. I also spent time at an psychiatric inpatient facility on 3 occasions, I still to this day struggle with pain medication in the sense that I fear if they were to stop then my quality of life would severely diminish and also there is the whole withdrawal fear that by this point is engrained into my subconscious.
I got clean when I was bout 32 and I am now 45. During that time, I met a girl, we ended up getting married and having 2 children who I absolutely adore. I got back into the work I use to do before my life fell apart.. things overall were good. We had been married 9yrs.
We separated roughly a month ago, though things were rocky for bout a couple years before. My wife came out as being gay and we decided basically to end it, as I was tired of wondering if there was any love and she wanted to move on or something similar.
I simply don't know what to do.. I mean all.the emotional stuff is there.. but it feels like my life is just doomed. I have struggled so hard to scrape through life, and to be a good person, husband and father... For what? To basically end up in the same position as before minus the drugs?
I just ... Have nothing left. I'm not even sure I'm depressed. I largely feel nothing, almost like mind finds it all so traumatic it just switched it off.. It has been a long time since I felt like relapse, but I just don't care about myself or anyone except our 2 kids, who have mild special needs. It's getting harder though to 'do it for them'
This is probably in the wrong section.. there is so much randomness though that none really felt correct.
If you made it this far thank you
