C13Contributor
Need to vent about this
I posed a while back and introduced my self and wrote a bit about what I've been going through.
I'm struggling so hard to deal with things. And I feel like I'm doing everything right. I take multiple different medications, I've been in the gym 4ish days a week, eating better and I have good friends But nothing makes me feel less lonely or less depressed.
I'm unemployed, Family's struggling and every day I get more and more depressed. The other day I just sat in the living room for a good 40 minutes trying to reassure myself that the future holds something for me. But it's like I'm telling a lie to myself. I can't help but dwell on all the opportunities I lost that could've made some kind of difference. I still feel guilty for attempting suicide 7 years ago. I try and put the past behind me but I can't get away from the thoughts of what I've been through. I just feel so angry because I feel like I didn't get to enjoy my childhood, my teens and my adult life. i want to settle down and have a career. I feel like everyone around me has kind of just accepted that I will never beat this. I feel that way but I like to myself and tell myself something is around the corner of in my future if I just keep going. I could probably write a book about what goes on in my mind and what I've been through but I'll leave it there. I just want some kind of reassurance that I have something in my future to look forward to.