Adolescent self harm

I can't remember the exact quote

But Bessel van der Kolk said that if you treat a patient's solution as a problem, they won't trust you (The body keeps the score)

Hey there @UniiQue

Thanks for taking the time to share what's going on for your daughter at the moment. It sounds like she's dealing with some heavy mental health challenges, and I'm sorry to hear about the self-harming behaviours. This must be an incredibly difficult time for not just her, but also the whole family. It's great to see you reaching out to other mothers on the forums who can relate to your experience, and we hope you can take some comfort in this.

I can see you are doing a great job navigating how to best support your daughter in this time, despite how overwhelming things may feel. It's great to hear that you have sought some support from a doctor today, although, I hear you are still feeling unsure of where to go from here. It can certainly feel confronting to talk about self-harm with a child, especially when they have no intent to stop, and they are reluctant to engage with professional supports. You are not alone in your experience, and we would like to share some resources which offer some valuable ways to support your daughter with self-harm. We hope you can find some of this information helpful!

• Self-harm explained | What can parents do? | Kids Helpline
• Helping Teens Who Self-Harm | Nemours KidsHealth

If you are in need of some more tailored support, then I can also recommend speaking with someone from Parentline. The counsellors here are able to listen with compassion and understanding, and available to offer free and confidential support. To see information on where you can connect with Parentline in your state, you can view this information here. You are able to reach out whenever you are comfortable and ready.

We're all here to support you, and I'm sure that the community will have some insights to share with you soon!

Take gentle care 😊

@UniiQue

I am 7 years clean of self harm.

I am familiar with the relief it can bring.

But I also know how I personally broke the cycle.

For me it was about pain I could control, it's not so much about stopping something that helps, but rather replacing it.

So often I was overwhelmed with pain and grief and just needed some relief from it, so one day I picked up a pen instead.

I wrote and wrote until the desire subsided.

Later on in my recovery I started using soft pastels and drew how I was feeling for a while, the darkness I felt and gradually the picture changed.

One thing I was suggested was to use watercolour paints on my arms when I felt like harming, never actually did that though.

A friend of mine, she has 3 daughters and each have a journal. If any of them want her to read an entry, they tag the page and leave it under their mothers pillow and she then replies and places it back under her daughters pillow.

I'm sorry you're going through this, but I hope what I've said gives you hope and maybe some ideas.

Also, if you want someone to be notified that you've replied you can type the @ sign and a dropdown list will appear so you can tag them.

@avant-garde

Thanks so much for sharing your experience, I absolutely understand I myself have experienced this too and I know how effective it is. I too would take to writing often, I am also a recovering addict from drug addiction, so I'm very aware of the strategies available, it's strange the feeling of my daughter doing this to herself, so young, i feel like I'm jumping between fight freeze and fawn all at the same time!. I'm planning to take her out today and buy her a journal, that was the first thing I asked her to try. I love the idea of sharing and replying when needed 😍 that will be a good suggestion for her. I have thought about seeking out some art therapy or music therapy and see if shed be open to that too, or at the very least I can hold that space for her at home too but I know it won't be as effective but any outlet is worth a try.

Thanks for the hint about the @ 🥰

@UniiQue

Perhaps both girls to have a journal, she may feel singled out if it's just her writing.

Also libraries are starting to come out with creative spaces deemed "maker-space"

This may encourage her to be creative at her own pace in her own time and not see it as such a recovery thing