DID integration of parts

Hey @Till23 I have achieved a state of something you might call integration.

A lot of my parts have decided they arent really needed anymore and are content not being out.

I have this weird imagery where my consciousnesses (parts) all live in this garden. I have this giant tree where I sit and observe the different parts finally feeling safe. They can stay in the garden and not come to the front (as i call the part which is in control)

Through a lot of therapy and self love and acceptance is have learnt to have compassion on my parts and realise we are all just hurting. I used to be angry at them for surfacing or taking over but realised they had their place in keeping me safe and giving 'me' an escape when reality was too hard to cope with. Now they arent needed as much they can relax or settle or play (as in my child parts) and be free in my garden.

Im not sure if i have explained it well. But that process helped me intergrate even the most hurt and destructive parts, now I form a much better consensus in my life and I can still allow them a voice if they need it. I talk to my others sometimes and feel them close, but they also know they can be safe and free to be who they are and if I need them they are there.

Thanks so much for this response @The-red-centaur

I think this garden or I hear about a house with rooms imagery is fairly common.

I find there is not much information on dissociative conditions

Can I ask, and please understand I accept that may not want/be able to answer, did this integration happen at one time?

It's sounds like it was not a "joint' decision by the system, but each part making it's own decision.

It sounds as though you can still access the other parts, but it's like they are "sleeping", they are still there but they only interact when you "contact" them - would you say that is a fair description?

@Till23

In my experiences 'sleeping' isnt that accurate, they are free to roam in my mind, my garden, and they still have thoughts and options on different things.

For me integration isnt something I'd really use to explain what happened. Learning about myself, my parts, my needs and their needs and making some sense of my past and my pain; it all helped me and my parts to realise we weren't looking for integration I just wanted to be heard and I wanted to be safe.

In the process of healing isnt wasn't about my over-controlling part/manager (who often held the front before) taking the reigns completely. For me it was forming a "whole" part, my safe healthy adult self, the part that listens to everyone, validates their fears and comforts their pain.

At first we were terrified of the process, many of my parts were afraid they would get banished and never allowed to return, some were scared of communicating with others and many didn't know about each other. When each part had a voice, and was heard without judgement the process of becoming my healthier self started to emerge.

Its hard to explain. My parts arent really sleeping, we are all here, they can talk to me if they need/want. Some of my parts still take the front stage in times of crisis or perceived danger. My healthier self has aspects of all the other parts. I dont want to loose them, they were there for me when I needed them but for now they can rest and find peace in the fact we are (mostly) safe.

My experiences may be different from others. Each human with DID experiences it differently and the healing process is just as individual

Thanks for your reply @The-red-centaur I know there is a massive range in DID. And also that healing is different and depends on whether full integration is what the system is aiming for.

There has been advice from that full integration is the end point but I am not so sure for this person. I am trying to understand the situation. This system seems to have had quite good communication throughout there is about 5 parts (I think), mostly there has been fairly co-operative so that the person has been able to work throughout their life so far. They really only started acknowledging to outsiders that there might be parts in last few years.

This person also doesn't want to lose some of their parts, a couple I think they wouldn't be concerned but the little parts they quite want to still have.

I suppose I just want to get an idea of how other people managed the situation as I haven't found a lot about the integration stage and afterwards

Thanks again for your reply it has been helpful for my understanding

I hope you are finding life easier with your new internal arrangement (sorry I don'y know how to describe it)