fruitisgoodSenior Contributor
Feeling real low and hopeless
Life is really kicking my ass right now, and I feel like I keep making descions that dont align with me. But I also dont really have a sense of who I am and where Im going.
I just left a 4 year relationship. Its been tearing me up inside. I havent had much support. No close friends. Ive tried to utilise supports offered, but most of the time people dont respond back to me, or they dish out all the unhelpful advice.
I started a new job, and I dont know if Ive made a big mistake but I feel in the thick of it now. Its a physical job that leaves me pretty tired. Im not very fit but Im working on my fitness levels as that needed to change regardless. The job will also only be maximum 3 days a week. Ive never worked full time and Im already exhausted. Is this normal?
I keep thinking about the natural world. How much I love it. What sort of life could I build that incorporates it. I do want to work (and well let's be real, most of us have no choice to come capacity) but I want it to be meaningful.
My days have been spent just lost in my comfort show with noone to share it with. Going through the motions. Wake up. Eat. Walk. Work. Rest. Repeat.
I had a vividly awful nightmare about my ex last night.
To top all of this off, my only real solid support has been my therapist who I see through an organisation referral program so I have a limited number of sessions. She has been phenomenal, however our sessions are coming to an end and Ive been crying about it alot because I feel like Im losing the one thing that I look forward to most weeks because its the only space I feel I can be real. Plus I don't feel ready at all to stop therapy. She knows it too and we're both feeling defeated by this crappy system.
Im feeling hopeless. Work scares me. I dont have friends and not much energy or money to invest in finding them. I live alone and sometimes think about moving but I dont know where Id go. I fantasize about getting a van or something but I know that life isnt glamorous either. I feel stuck despite all the changes happening. and I feel so alone in it all which is honestly the scariest part.
