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Breakfast68Senior Contributor
I’m done with everything.
A wife more interested in partying and a local afl club, instead of the family and home we were building together.
3 step kids who I adore and love. But, I’ve come to the end of my journey I think. A big age difference (17 years) may be a huge part of it also.
We used to do everything together as we blended two families - with my adult kids loving their new step sister and brothers like we were always together.
In response to: Another casualty
Breakfast68Senior Contributor
I have 3 beautiful step children.
One incredible young man starting hi journey to be a police officer, a beautiful young 14yo girl who is my shadow and a vibrant young 10yo boy who loves his online gaming. They are my focus, directly alongside my own adult children. Our blended family is something I am most proud of. My adult children openly accepting that their dad is happy and is sharing the same values and opportunities they had.
In response to: Another casualty
Breakfast68Senior Contributor
@ccau_82 The love I got back was all I ever received in so many wonderful times, laughs, memories and family time.
Unfortunately that has now been decided by their mum that we are done.
Did everything she asked and 4 weeks inside private clinic. Which in insight probably allowed her time to adjust to me not being around physically.
i can’t change things anymore, so it is easier to walk away. But it is made so much harder to do the that with dignity when I get ‘begged’ to continue to contribute to a mortgage of a house I’m not allowed to visit or even be there. Losing materialistic things I can do without easily, but it’s shattered me about losing the kids.
so many emotions and I even asked for a chance to fix what’s broken. A polite No though.
Now it’s a decision on whether happens next. I dint want to disadvantage the kids, but how can I be expected to keep paying a mortgage to a house and marriage when I’ve been removed. I understand the easy option is legal, but I just survive the funds to do that. Because I’m still paying things so the kids are safe and settled.
All whilst I am battling the black dog and thoughts which aren’t helping.
Even to the point where I am thinking that me not being around is the answer to keep the kids safe and secure in their own home, through the financial benefit of superannuation and other payments.
So sad, confused, lonely and hurting beyond any physical injuries
In response to: Re: Another casualty
Magpie22Peer Guide
@Breakfast68 I’m so sorry it has come to this. It sounds like the relationships you have with those kids are loving and strong. They must know you love them and hopefully you can continue to be part of their lives - the older two are old enough to make those choices themself.
The financial and legal situation sounds awful - and what a terrible choice to have to make. My only advice would be to make sure you get good advice before making any decision.
What I can say - 100% - is that no one is better off without you. No one. I know it might feel like that right now, and you are in so much pain and grieving the loss of your relationship and it’s hard to have hope, but you leaving the world deprives those kids of any chance of you being part of their lives now and in the future. It deprives you of any hope for change in the future. Sometimes the only hope is the hope that things will get better, even when you can’t imagine how you might reach that.
You have previously said you are an Aboriginal man. Do you have any connection with elders or community? Do you live on country? Or can you visit your country and draw on the strength and endurance of culture and that connection?
I’m thinking of you @Breakfast68 and sending good thoughts. Please take care.
In response to: Re: Another casualty
Breakfast68Senior Contributor
@Magpie22 @Yes, connected to country and have been back, to heal and reconnect.,
the relationship with the kids is so strong that my Aunty, who holds our history and lore 1”woman along with my Dad who is the Elder Statesman of our family. Who, never actually served nor enlisted, was recognised for his contributions to community 2 years in a row as local ANZAC person of the year. Which inspired me to enlist as soon as I could at a young age.
My relationship with my daughter is so close that it was decided by my Dad and tribal LoreWoman (aunty) that they would bestow as tribal ‘skin name’ on my step daughter. Which means she is formally recognised as part of our extended kinship family. This is a rare opportunity for someone so young. But they recognised our close bond. She was excited and so honoured to even be considered. Which I am aware has only ever happened twice before through marriage in our family.
Love story, short - she was bestowed the skin name of Muraay (White cockatoo). She underwent an ochre (body painting) ceremony.
This is something I never want her to lose. But I have to respect what her mum decides.
Financial contributions -= staying involved, or protecting my finances = lose connection and contact.
Not ideal
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Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.
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