I hear you. I also live with PTSD, anxiety, and that constant cycle of overthinking, so I really get what you mean when you say it feels like the world is against you. It’s exhausting to fight your own head every day, and it can make even the people we love feel like they’re carrying the weight of it too.
Something I’ve had to remind myself of (and still do, most days) is that struggling with emotions doesn’t make me unworthy of love — it just makes me human. The fact that you’re aware of how this impacts your relationship shows a lot of self-awareness and strength, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.
You’re not broken and you’re not alone in this. “Normal” is different for everyone — you don’t have to measure yourself against anyone else’s standard. It’s okay to take it one step at a time and give yourself credit for the fact that you’re here, sharing honestly about how hard it feels. That takes courage.
A few things that sometimes help me (maybe they could help you too):
Grounding yourself in the present — when my head spins, I use simple things like the 5-4-3-2-1 method (name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste). It pulls me out of the spiral a little.
Journaling — writing out the storm of thoughts in my head helps get them out of the loop. Even if I rip it up afterwards, it breaks the cycle.
Reminding myself I’m worthy — PTSD makes us feel unworthy of love, but the truth is, the very fact you’re aware and trying means you are worthy. Your partner choosing to be there shows that too.
You don’t have to “be normal.” You just need to be kind to yourself in the middle of all this. You’re already showing strength by speaking up here.