T Feeling hurt that 6 grandparents don’t check in on my daughter—how do you cope without family support?

Hi all,

I’m new here, posting anonymously because I’m really struggling with family stuff and could use some advice or stories from others.

My 6-year-old daughter is in her first year of school, and it’s been such a big, exciting time—her first sports carnival (she rocked the sack race and won a ribbon!), first school disco, losing teeth, school photos, you name it. But her 6 grandparents (between me and my husband) haven’t checked in or asked about any of it. I used to share updates, but I’ve stopped since they never ask—it hurts so much to feel like they don’t care. All we get are random gifts like slime and stickers in the mail, which just feels empty compared to real connection.

I myself am late diagnosed AUDHD and my daughters going through some issues which point to autism also. Ive noticed traits in my family that might explain the genetic link of where it came from. My parents… maybe autism or ADHD, like shutting down or avoiding tough talks. But there’s also this hot-and-cold vibe that feels narcissistic: they’ll say “I love you” or “visit anytime,” but then act bitter or fake, like complaining about family visits being a hassle behind my bros back. Why would I want to visit them when they bitch to me about my bro like that?

They make me nervous to open up, worried I’ll get dismissed or blamed. They’ve never been validating. But they’re good listeners. Not willing to accept any responsibility or make any changes. But happy to listen. I saw a shrink for a year. Her advice was to try to accept they will never change. They’re in their 70s. So I’ve been working on this acceptance. It makes sense.

So, for our little family’s peace—especially for my daughter—I’ve stepped back and kept things quiet. We’re even planning a cozy Christmas away, just the three of us, to avoid past holiday drama. But I’m bracing for tension, like they’ll make me feel guilty for it. Or they’ll just turn up on Boxing Day and ruin my whole vibe.

How do you cope when family doesn’t show up for you or your kids? Especially when you’re parenting and they miss all these big moments? When you yourself need support and guidance but they’re unable to offer anything. Any tips for dealing with the sadness and explaining things to miss 6? I just want to focus on making life joyful for my daughter, but the silence from them stings.

Thanks for reading—hoping to hear how others manage this.