RovjaSenior Contributor
No friends and schizophrenia
Good greetings!🌺
Howdy!🤠
TW: mentions of sexual abuse and traumatic events
I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia but believe its ptsd.
I loved people around me but they didnt love me back.
'Parents 'hated me and were abusive along with others and some of my haters and abusrs have positions of power and lied about me and excluded me from society and incited hate so i would be alone snd unloved.
They treated siblings so well.they got love , encouragement ,support ,friends , holidays, and were not molested or critisised 24/7 and devalued and unloved.
They dont email or care about me .
'Roll of mother one' mocked me and rideculed my suffering and had a agressive anc mean spirit .
Most if my 47 year old life i have not felt like myself.
Felt like others were in my body acting as me maluciously against my will.
I want to be myself in my real body .
Have my own true eyes and spirit and nature and space and love etc
Feel like myself and space to be.
Be me.exist.
I very few moments rarely i get to feel like myself.
Seems like no one knows me or loves me.not in my real body.
Like if i was in another body that get loce n respect but my real body gets disrespect and it deserves respect and love and kibdness.
I was excluded from communities and had people walking over me agressively.
I turn other cheek yr after yr.
Self respect means avoiding those who disrespect one.
Think some lued about me.
Also had a x boyfriend have me naked on swinger site and i dont want be swinger but he did. He us multi milkionaire director hypnotist n friends with judges etc
He took over profile and pretended to be me.
He chatted with people around the world prwtending to be ne while i waz isolated and bullied and excluded.
Also took my old email.
I had voices 8 yrs agonising but thankfully stopped.
Said no one loves me .everyone pretended and other stuff that hurt.
Had some delusions too.
Have no friends but have a boyfriend and dog.
I was vegan 6 yrs but then when my horse died i stopped exercising and being vegan and put on weight. [edited by moderator]
Obese now.
Want to be vegan again for animals mostly n be cruelty free more n care.
I been vegetarian lately but reckin be vegan again.
I could not feel my own eyes and connect with myself or otgers.
Even the support group I attended was opressing n excluding n acting strange n belittling around n to me. [edited by moderator]
Im not a member if any religion but believe in my own way and pray sometimes.
Was not welcone places.
Want reclaim myself n who n all i am n connect with true beaut friends n people n so.
Family were not fair or nice but bullued n hated n devalued ne as worthless n critisise constantly so avoid them as abuse occured.
I have had traumatic experiences and no one believes me because my abusers are popular and lied about ne n lots in on it.
Im asking for genuine suppirt network and kindness etc
For myself and others and all.
I volunteer worked a little but felt bullied or disrespected so quit.
I also was employed a little but mistly veen on dusabiliry pension yet i believe my true eyes abd spirit n nature have been working n loving n caring n doing good but diesbt look like it.
Some loomed n felt good were not n some looked n felt bad were good.
I said not for sale to director x i had but felt restrained against will.
I have been hospitalised 3 times.
Currently not psychotic but i feel so disconnected n bullied n devalued n isolated n unloved n cared for.
Im not medicated other than sleep aid if needed.
I have a roof over my head n i know there are homeless people and i try to give to charity every pay day to help homeless .
When i was alone as child i cried why does no one love me not even 'mother '.
She not real mum because real ines love not pretend to while abusing .
I once said i love you to her n she screamed hatefully theres ni such thing as love only power.
I dont get encouraged to exercise but was told im not allowed to exercise and gyms made me feel unwelcome n some attacked me with bad vibe.
At bridge with x step mum n all her friends they excluded me n attacked me n cheated in trippke a battery n were so cruel to me who was alone n excluded n unarmed n gentle n peaceful.
