It's been awhile

Hey people,

It's been awhile since I've been here. The reason I'm posting now is that I'm interstate for a couple of weeks and was unexpectedly logged out of the social media site where I normally go to write about how I'm feeling and other stuff, and forgot the password for both the login and the email address to be able to reset it. I can't fix that up until I get back home. I was going to try going cold turkey and not write anything anywhere but I've succumbed to the urge I guess.

I dunno what the deal is but I saw my psychologist in-person at a new location (I usually see him online due to my circumstances but maybe see him once a year in-person) and it was like I was back at the beginning to where I couldn't look at him and couldn't say much about stuff. I mentioned a few things but would close back up between each thing. I didn't even find the right waiting room on the way there because I didn't see the sign, and when he asked my age after I mentioned my birthday later this month I guess I panicked and added an extra year for no reason other than not being able to think clearly. I've had this kind of session before and it's always so disappointing.

I don't think it's worth seeing him in person again after this. Next chance is probably next year but if I'm like this then there's no point. He said something about giving myself positive recognition for going to the new place for the session but I don't feel like I deserve it. I feel more like quitting or skipping sessions to punish myself. I can't manage positive recognition so I've just been trying to not be negative and punishing instead.