@jrn @Captain24 @Sugarshack i did what i you are doing now for many years lying about the lies in control of my mind and feeling bad about not functioning.
The truth is that depression is often an illness thast has lots of background in our past life. Not just depressed people doing it wrong, being lazy, or untrue, as depression tries to constantly force down our throats so we stay in its power.
The best is to see if you have any skeleton's in your cabinet. For me my depressive illness had many underlying building blocks in my past life. One major depression building factor, for example, in my life, was being rejected by my father and desperately wanting to be loved by him, but never receiving it until much later on in my life. Luckily just before he died at 91. The second factor that build me a depressive personality was a vicious sexual assault that had me almost murdered at 11. An assualt i had hidden from my parents because i had been in a place at the time of the assault i had not been allowed to be. The third, and by far the most determining factor contributing to lies ruling my mind depression, was my religious upbringing. For for years i held onto a concept of a god who somehow loved everyone but was still going to send 95 percent of the people i cared about to hell. Unbelievable did me thinking my Creator was like that hinder healthy thinking in my depressed mind.
Carefully exploring these regions, also at times with the help of a psychologist, has been most helpful to me, silencing nasty triggers i could not understand before this time travelling in my past
If there are no skeleton’s then the only other option, which is essential if you want your marriage to survive, is to carefully begin to share your inner reality with your wife instead of lie about it. Lies cause the very darkness you live down deep, honestly true, keep out any lies, nor heed them in your mind, so you can ease your suffering, by seeing things truthfully as they really are, instead of through the darkened untrue lens of the lie ruling depression your current nightmare.
i'll share you a good song about this subject my friend
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQLFv-kfZHU
