False Narrative

Sorry for replying to myself. Just venting I guess, trying to get through these struggles without burdening my family with my issues.

I am out of bed for the moment, scoped the kitty litter, made my wife a coffee. Regretting taking the week off work a bit. GP appointment this afternoon, trying to decide whether to try and go back on medication or do a mental health plan. I have an occasional therapist through my works EAP, so I don't know (yay a decision and another source of anxiety).

What if you took over the morning routine so that YOU were huffing and puffing and being busy, and your wife could do whatever else? Seems like you could lean into the black dog by being useful and visible in your family, because the lie of depression is literally lying around. If you are lying around, depression is winning.

@Sugarshack thanks for the reply.

I force my self eventually to do "baby steps". The black dog is very clever in making thise feel useless. There are alot of balls in the air with my family at them moment. We have a very difficult teenage daughter who is dealing with social media addiction (didn't realise how bad that could be and the lengths they will go to to get their fix), as well as relationship obsession. It is just so defeating because everywhere we seem to look there is an issue to deal with. It's hard to let your guard down, so it ends up being that depression anxiety cycle. I broke it years ago, but it took me about a year, lost my job nearly lost the house, that's not a choice this time, thankfully that is something I am forcing myself to believe.

Sorry for being so needy with venting, just need to know it's getting out there.

Thanks so much for the motivation.

Hi JRN, I am constantly policed by various people for being blunt and to the point but, I enjoy solutions, not problems.

Could I say......THE APPLE DONT FALL FAR FROM THE TREE if you are depressed/avoiding reality and your daughter is doing the same. You're hiding inside on the computer talking to internet friends, shes doing exactly the same thing.

You're the old dog, shes copying your behaviour. I would guess you're IN A LOOP where you fail in reality and it feeds a low self esteem. Why do i bother trying, when my kid goes back on the phone and hooks up with a stranger instead of wanting to be with her family.

Well, does the family offer happiness or is it MumenDad huffing and puffing in a house full of stress? Why not get the footy out and take your daughter up the park for a kick, or start to repaint the house. TOGETHER in real life, not separate in digital life.

You’re not being needy @jrn. Most of us have been through the same thing. Theres been many a time where I can’t get out of bed. Depression is tiring and we do need to rest at times.

My GP told me to get up and complete one thing. For me it was feed the dogs and wipe down the kitchen. That way I had achieved something for the day. For you it could be something small like make your wife a coffee. I’m assuming she would appreciate that. It’s so hard to do and I understand that.

After accomplishing something my GP said to do what ever I felt I needed. Sometimes I would go back to bed. Others I would just vegetate on the lounge. As much as it’s hard to do something I self talked my way through it. I just kept telling myself that it’s hard but just wipe down the bench. That I could do that small thing and then see what the day brings.

Maybe you could try something like that knowing that you did something nice for someone as that can help you feel a little better.

Do you do self care? Do you try and regulate yourself? Sometimes for me it can be as simple as holding a cold can of drink or an ice cube. It hurts a little but it seems to calm my mind a little. They say a cold shower helps but I just can’t do that.

Im not really good at self care, I’ll admit that. But there is some simple things. Like change rooms and read a book, sit outside in the sun with a coffee even if it’s only while you drink the coffee. So you have any hobbies, you may not enjoy them at the moment but even 5 minutes on them may help. The sun also helps me to feel a little better. I also sometimes have a bath where I just stop for a while. Other days it’s just going back to bed

Sorry, I don’t know if any of this helps.

Hi JRN, exercise is the best medicine for anger. I used to have a mate, he was very depressed and smoking pot constantly, hiding in his room. The boys were craving for attention and I got their family in the habit of going for walks in the afternoon then going home to cook dinner as a family, and that made their family a lot happier because the boys felt cared for by their dad. We were dating, the dad got jealous because he was lazy and he started attacking the boys for doing life "my way" when he wanted them to live "his way".

But this man could not see that "his way" was depressing and unhealthy and fuelling his problems with his kids. My parents neglected me and I hate them to this day for choosing themselves over 'health and happiness for the family'. Yeah you have a psychologist coming but they will either say the same thing or they will say the weak psychological answer of "you must look after your own self care and your daughter has mental health problems and you should each take medication and not trigger each other" = death of relationship.

@Captain24 thanks, I really needed that.

I know I need to be stong and not let the anxiety and depression dictate and decide who I am. But sometimes it's good to know that just doing one little thing does not mean another failed day.

For me time is a big factor, specifically wasted time and waiting time if that makes sense.

The time does make sense @jrn. I have wasted a lot of time due to depression.

I finding not trying so hard to beat it and let it just be can help with not feeling so overwhelmed. I’m only just learning this and being on the forums has helped me with this as others have been through it and I’ve taken on board what I’m capable of taking at certain times. While I listen to others a lot I’m not always ready to hear it and be able to do it if that makes sense. That’s ok though as they have planted a seed that may help at different stages.

Do you have anyone to talk to? I have found my GP great and he listens but he has been there himself so he understands the difficulties that I face.

I also have an awesome psychologist who also understands. I am well medicated and the psychiatrist checks how the medication is going and adjusts as she thinks works better if needed. I have bipolar 2, anxiety and was diagnosed with AuDHD 2 weeks ago. So lots of meds to keep it all regulated. Medication is not something to be ashamed of sometimes it’s just needed. Sometimes it’s just needed to get through a rough patch. I’m not sure if you think that path would help you or not, maybe you don’t want to be medicated and that is totally your choice and I respect that. Just sharing my experiences.

Thanks @Captain24

Wow, your diagnosis is very similar to mine. I was on medication [edited by moderator] for 12years but has to ween of due to kidney issues and losing teeth due to dry mouth. I am a bit of a talker, but am a bit over talking to psychologists, I feel like I have all of the information I can get. I do chat to a counsellor through my works EAP. I have a GP appointment this afternoon, I think I will see about antidepressants or something again, maybe a PRN type thing, just to get me functional, once I get actively going and back to work, I think I will really progress with the thought side of thinks. Luckily this time round I am not actively thinking about not being here. I know I have alot to live for, but am a bit burned out, so also know I am going to be up for a fight (hence thinking about medication to assist).

Thankyou so much for the chats, I really don't like being a pain to others, but your words today have been so valued by me, I really appreciate it. I helps to know that people like us who deal with these issues are alway happy to be in it together.