ccau_82Peer Guide
Teenage Son ~ growing through it
I'm sitting here this afternoon feeling like everything I learned in my service years is working against me as a parent right now.
My 15-year-old son is struggling. Not in the ways that make headlines - he's got food, shelter, stability, a loving family. But he's drowning emotionally and I keep defaulting to my operational mindset ~ assess the problem, create solutions, execute, mission complete.
Except with teenagers, that approach is backfiring spectacularly...... 😳
He's telling me through his behaviour (acting out at school, attitude at home) and his words that he feels unheard and uncared for. My instinct is to list everything I DO for him - all the ways I show care through action. But I'm learning that he needs something different. He needs me to just... sit with his feelings. Reflect what I'm hearing. Not fix it. That's f*(king hard.
This goes against every fiber of my training. We were taught to solve problems, to be solution-focused, to take action when things go sideways. The idea of sitting with my childs discomfort without immediately moving to fix it feels foreign and honestly, uncomfortable.
He is needing a parent who can witness his internal chaos without trying toorganise it for him. He needs someone who can hear "I feel like you don't care" and respond with "Tell me more about that feeling" instead of "Here's a list of everything I do for you."
It's requiring me to retrain myself!! When he's in distress, my body wants to go into mission mode. Instead, I'm learning to breathe, slow down, and just... be present with whatever he's experiencing.
Anyone else finding that some of our most valuable service skills need serious recalibration when it comes to parenting teens? How are you navigating the tension between wanting to solve everything and learning to just hold space?
The hardest part is trusting that sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is nothing except truly listen.... Struggling but staying the course.
