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Any advice for missing a loved one whose away for mental health issues?

ForUs88Senior Contributor03 Sept 2025, 10:48 pm AEST

Any advice for missing a loved one whose away for mental health issues?

This question is about proactive and helpful ways to bring comfort and alleviate feelings of restlessness and missing loved ones while they are away for mental health issues.

My partner is away, for an unknown time, without means for contact in any way, for mental health issues.

I'm not supported when he's away and have found the on going long stretches of stress and handling everything on my own again is triggering my complex PTSD. (I don't have a misguided protector of a PTSD I have a hyper aggressive towards me, always undermining anything good - which means him too - my PTSD is always harming me, it thrives and gets stronger in isolation and negativity - such as horrible gaslighing conversations with my "mother-in-law", without a consistent counteracting of these negatives from my partner my mind eats me alive, as it were)

Naturally I miss him and I know that's a huge part of why I'm feeling low but for me I need an input of good and positive to keep my PTSD safe to me but sadly I have spent four months being let down, at times abused, and galsit, insulted and abandoned by hundreds of people, places and services. Particularly, recently I was assaulted by police on a welfare check and had to go through it all alone.

This all compounds my misery and triggers my PTSD (which can be fatal at times. That's why I need ideas now while I'm okay to not let the endless abuse from everyone else trigger a terrible event - as happened just weeks ago when my lawyer was incredibly abusive to me, it triggered a major episode that my partner actually had to risk himself -legally- to be able to save me from, we are in a fight to clear his name from a fake DV charge that the vile police around here put on him because of their own prejudices and delusions, he's innocent but until we legally can repair what they did -something that's taking months, - we are not allowed any type of contact despite both of us being the others caregiver.

Not one person cares that I have been yanked away from my person with absolutely nothing and no one and he has been wrongfully branded and left alone as well, with only his very nasty and abusive mother. I tell you it hurts really badly that plenty of people actually abuse us but get to remain in our lives against our wills but then the cops act like he's harmful to me and take us away from each other, leaving all the real abusers to stay unchecked.)

A recent phone call with my "mother-in-law" really dragged me down and while I've blocked her now, her words have been, doing what I know she wanted them to do, playing right to my PTSD and fester in my head while she's not there. Without him to give support and comfort and reassurance I am just stuck in a meat grinder of my PTSD, his mother, my abusers, corrupt cops, neglectful services, and SO MUCH gaslighting it could put down a horse! With nothing but my own self to counteract it all, something that hold no weight anymore.

It's been four months of relentless neglect, abuse, abandonment and suffocating gaslighting. No break and no support or understanding.

Anyone within the matter doesn't want me to be okay so I cannot talk to them. If they hear I'm not doing great then that's the spot they attack.

The longer I am away from him the more my PTSD acts like he wasn't real or that he doesn't love me or that he's staying away at all by choice. PTSD this deep doesn't care for facts or what I know it just keeps on replying endless years of negativity. Through all this I still have to be on top of everything as I'm his only legal advocate in this fight because no one in society - least of all the system - wants him to be innocent so they keep trying to force their narratives. Leaving me to fight alone with absolutely everything.

Essentially, I am being tortured and I feel I'm cracking (like everyone eventually dose with torture) and sadly that's exactly what my torturers want so there's no support in my situation.

I'm asking if there is anything I can do to continue to endure because if I give in, its two lives that are on the line. No one else is defending him so if I give in or crack under the weight of everything then he too will be left in this alone.

I cannot tell you how horrible it is to be fighting so many people on so many fronts especially when many of them are supposed to help you but don't and the one person who DOSE help has been wrongfully taken away leaving me with no one but the bad ones.

When he has his episodes it's hard enough but now this time the police and his mother have completely made it all worse so much worse and now I'm trying to cope with his conditions while also now fixing their mess, and deal with my own conditions and they just keep coming at me. Completely not caring that when he goes into hospital it's hard enough to go through that stage and support him till he's better (which can take years) what they've done this time there are no words to describe how much demage it's doing to us both and they all just won't stop!

My PTSD is eating it up gleefully and I'm frightened I'm not going to be strong forever and the world just keeps demanding I just stay strong. Weather I can or not.

I'd appreciate anything you might have as suggestions to cope better.

*This does not include more horrible services to go to. I am seeking self help like, - god I cannot believe I need to spell it out even more, but stuff that I myself can do to help myself. I have tried HUNDREDS of places I am even annoyed right now at this one because I keep explaining very clearly and are always ignored or misunderstood. I'm frankly very over external help. If people cannot understand what I have said I will remove my question and inputs because it'll become clear it's a waste of everyone's time. How else can I say no more services? That wasn't what I asked for in the first place. I explained my history on services extremely clearly to avoid this exact situation but it clearly hasn't worked.

I don't know how to be any clearer.

This was a waste of time. Apparently.

4 replies

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In response to: Any advice for missing a loved one whose away for mental health issues?

NightHedgehogModerator04 Sept 2025, 12:53 am AEST

Re: Any advice for missing a loved one whose away for mental health issues?

Sounds like you are going through so much at the moment @ForUs88! Having the person who supports you and helps you challenge these thoughts not there at the moment would be so hard, especially knowing they are also struggling and since it sounds like the support structures around you both are not supporting either of you in the way you had hoped. Hopefully the community is able to offer some suggestions for strategies they have found helpful in managing their own PTSD struggles or managing these kinds of thoughts. I just wanted to share a couple of resources that might be a helpful starting place in case you have not already come across them. Take care! 🍁

Carers Australia - https://www.carersaustralia.com.au/
Whats up? (app that can help with recognising and challenging thoughts) https://au.reachout.com/tools-and-apps/whats-up
Blue Knot - supporting recovery from complex trauma - https://blueknot.org.au/

In response to: Re: Any advice for missing a loved one whose away for mental health issues?

ForUs88Senior Contributor04 Sept 2025, 1:30 am AEST

Re: Any advice for missing a loved one whose away for mental health issues?

@NightHedgehog

Thanks for your help. Unfortunately those are places I've already tried. Painfully they are on the list of places either to not have helped for arbitrary reasons or have actively hurt me. One of the excuses Carers gave is that while he's away I'm not considered a caregiver and there for not allowed you be with the service.

This is one of the hardest factors of my situation is that I have tried and inordinate amount of places to be told all sorts of excuses some unfounded and rude and deeply harmful, some stupid and complete bs and other just rudimentary like I don't live in the place that they cover or I'm outside the age group or the wrong sex or not married ECT. At this point I think I've heard them all.

I'm looking for more self coping ideas. But I appreciate your efforts all the same. It is a lot and that's why I asked because it's not something I should be forced to do alone but until someone in the world steps up I AM left the only one to handle any of it.

I SHOULD have friends I can trust, I SHOULD have a good lawyer, I SHOULD have a psychiatrist, I SHOULD be getting carer support (especially at these times because it is hard as heck to go through their away stages - with or without the added legal garbage - a carer that is a partner as well goes through a LOT when the one they care for go through this stage. The stupid service however is treating it like it's a vacation or worse a permanency after one lossy conversation with them. Where the actually lied to me about a support appointment that they'd said I'd have later in the month but actually canceled it but didn't tell me. Leaving me to feel hopeful I was going to get someone to understand and help and ended up the fool instead. They literally teased a person with the promise of support then dumped them in it. It was awful and I'm still mad.)

If I could be paid $5 for all the places and services that have let me down and abused me in the last four months I'd be able to afford my own dam lawyer and be done with legal aids false services and still buy a house I've been to THAT many places and been hurt that many times.

I've been through this before when he went through this the first time unfortunately in this country there are no options but the same dam options so if you've tried them to terrible events many times you feel more and more alone with both my PTSD, my "mother-in-law" and a dozen others claiming it's because it's my fault. Like I'm too defected to be helped by anyone and I'd believe that lie were it not or him proving them wrong time and time again in the last four years. They don't help me because they choose not to. I qualify for a LOT of support options but they don't want me so they don't help me and they punish me further if I point out to them how bad and unprofessional they are being.

In response to: Re: Any advice for missing a loved one whose away for mental health issues?

EternalFlowerSenior Contributor04 Sept 2025, 3:41 am AEST

Re: Any advice for missing a loved one whose away for mental health issues?

hi @NightHedgehog have you tried going to your GP for a MHCP? This is an amazing way to get help.
Other than support lines, I am aware in VIC of a 500 dollar carer relief fund, which can be accessed I believe, paid to the carer to alleviate stress. Would you like me to look into that for you?

Again, there is medical help for you if you need, and Sane is always here for you.

In response to: Any advice for missing a loved one whose away for mental health issues?

AlwaysMyselfSenior Contributor04 Sept 2025, 8:35 am AEST

Re: Any advice for missing a loved one whose away for mental health issues?

Hi @ForUs88 , I'm glad you're reaching out to ask for ideas from peers on how to cope with the absense of ypur partner, and especially with the increased PTSD symptoms. I hear you that you aren't looking for services that can support you and that you dont feel anyone in your (non-SANE) life cares and that theyre not supports you can turn to either.

It is incredibly hard to be facing all those feelings and thoughts alone. I am sorry that is the situation you are in.

I know for myself that sometimes some self-reflection, self-discovery and reading of therapy tools that I can apply myself can help me when I am feeling sad, stressed out, or overwhelmed.

Would this type of self-help suit you do you think?

When I sorely miss people, I try to think about why - what is the need I am missing that is causing the distress?

Do I need someone to listen to me? (If so, maybe posting on this forum asking people to just listen, acknowledge, and show empathy could help?).

Is it because I am stressed and miss their help in working through how to resolve a challenge?

I notice you did mention that you have a lot of negative thoughts, and usually he would be the one to help you refute them.

When you get negative thoughts, would it help at all to have an imaginary/mental picture of him sitting on your shoulder and asking it what it thinks, and responding in what he would likely say if he was there? (For some people this works really well, and they know what the other person would likely tell them to help. But I know this does not help for everyone, and that is OK too).

Would it help to write down in advance a list of positive statements that he or you would know to be true, so that when you have those negative thoughts you can read back through the list to remind yourself of a more balanced view? (I.e. refute the negative thoughts)

I hope you are able to see the time that people spend on the forum reading your posts and responding as a form of care for you, and a positive intent to help support you. We may not be in your day to day face to face life, but we are all real humans choosing to be here and choosing to engage with you for your benefit. 🥰

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