Being a People Pleaser has simultaneously saved and ruined my life

I have constant "what if"s cycling in my head. I think through every possible option of what could happen if I do something before my brain lets be do it. It's exhausting and defeating.

I have had passive suicidal thoughts for months, some moving towards more active thoughts, suicidal or self harm. However, the fact I am a severe people pleaser means that every time, some reason comes to my brain of "oh but this person is expecting me to help with this" or "but if I die or can't with for a long time, then they'll have to find a replacement at work" (not easy for my role) or "but my house is a mess and I can't make other people clean that" or running through the feelings, reactions, processes of different people and feeling bad for causing those things (even before its happened)... As much as being a chronic and severe people pleaser has definitely impacted the suicidal thoughts, just wanting to get out of it and not knowing how, it has also stopped me doing things on multiple occasions.